


it must be a thursday

by Liangnui



Series: Inhale [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Naruto
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crossover, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-07-16 01:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16075736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liangnui/pseuds/Liangnui
Summary: Generally speaking, weird glowing things have a tendency to be rather unstable. Whether it's spore-launching mushrooms or a contact explosive pretending not to be, touching them is generally a bad idea.Kei may have forgotten that little maxim. A terrible habit, really.





	1. Gaze of Two Minds

**Author's Note:**

> I'm only posting this here so it's easier to find. Otherwise, sinking into the depths of my blog seems to mean no one can find these later.

Isobu woke up in a ditch. This was a strange occurrence for several reasons, not the least that he was usually far too large to for the concept of a “ditch” to be one he understood except through Kei. The next problem he faced was the lost of conscious continuity, because Tailed Beasts almost never slept and were outstandingly resistant to being knocked unconscious. When residing inside Kei’s chakra coils, Isobu rarely even stopped thinking. But, somehow, something had turned him off as neatly as flipping a light switch. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it was an experience that didn’t get better the more Isobu had to deal with it.

Worst of all, Isobu’s silent call into the dark was met with no response. Even when he opened his jagged mouth and belted out a five-note tune Kei knew by heart, Isobu didn’t hear the customary two-tone response. And for the first time in his life, he was too small to see over obstacles in his way.

Isobu huffed to himself, then climbed from the ditch to the base of what Kei’s memories called a stone beam bridge, because there were individual flat stones involved and Kei was a pedant when it came to things like that. While Isobu’s forelegs and tails were spiked and ridged even like this, he noticed his fingers were rounder than he remembered while he climbed. Likewise, his sharper extremities were softened somehow. Between those details and his drastically reduced size, Isobu briefly wondered if he’d been transferred to the body of one of his smallest clones. Being larger and unchallenged by any native life was a better situation than his usual one, but this? This was unmistakably bad news.

He hated being small. And apparently landlocked.

Isobu didn’t stop climbing until he reached the top of a boulder, tails splayed out along the stone and head cresting the footpath on the bridge. Once securely in his sentry position, he hummed his five notes again. When there was no response to his third call, Isobu glared down at the sad little trickle of water that _could_ make up a dry riverbed on a good day, then ordered it to _stop_. The water built up as though it met an invisible wall, quieter than before.

Isobu hummed again, then twice more. It took a total of six tries before, while straining his sense, he picked up a faint reply. In his head, the two-tone response was barely stronger than the sound of water flowing. Nonetheless, he bunched his tails under his belly and threw himself into the now-freed wave of mud and runoff. Them, with all tree tails pumping, Isobu hurried downstream.

The unfortunate waterway was choked with weeds and debris, though there didn’t seem to be any human trash. No, instead there were just signs of the nearby forest reclaiming its own while the river ran dry. Isobu chewed his way through errant fallen branches like a small tree-eating mammal, pushing through chaff until he found a small waterfall and abruptly dropped at least as far as he was long. Isobu hit the pool face-first after only a brief pause for surprise.

Reorienting, Isobu surfaced with water grass clinging to his head. Eyeing the drop, the plants, and the nearby fish, he regretted not being able to frown. Being small was one thing—clones were small, on the whole. _This_ was indignity upon indignity. He was the size of Kakashi’s smallest dog!

A pity there was no time for that. Isobu turned around in the water, dislodging plants as he went, and belted out another five-note pattern as he continued swimming with the current. Weak splashing was coming from up ahead, and it wasn’t the puddle of a river.

 **Shave and a haircut!** (Whatever either of those things were.) **No legs!** That was the proper response, or so Kei said. Isobu understood that part better, because he certainly had no use for legs.

 _Iso…bu…?_ Kei’s mental voice was weaker than it had sounded in ages.

A reddish, muddy figure splashed again as Isobu rounded a bend, just barely reaching one arm into the river. Most of the rest of the human-shaped thing was hidden by reeds, making Isobu silently curse his lack of height once more. Despite the color that didn’t quite match Kei, Isobu paddled over to the bank without hesitation. His belly  scraped gravel and mud along as he climbed up onto her nearest limb, tails bobbing.

 **…You look different.** Isobu slid down Kei’s other side, shuffling on his short forelegs to look his host over more carefully.

While her face was the same, insofar as the eyes and nose and so on were all accounted for, all of Kei’s colors were wrong. She even had the same scar, but it sat across a face that was a dull red like Isobu’s belly. The same went for the tattoos running down her left arm. Kei’s hair wasn’t black like it was supposed to be, either, instead the same green-gray-blue as Isobu’s armor. And three short, pointed horns jutted out from Kei’s head the same way Isobu’s did, even if they were the wrong color for _both_ of them. Possibly the wrong shape, too.

Isobu tilted his head slowly to one side, then pushed his way back up onto Kei’s unmoving leg to take a second look at what he’d noticed before.

On one hand, Isobu approved of tails more than legs. On the other, he wasn’t quite sure how to go about living with both. His siblings often had legs _and_ tails, but this didn’t quite seem like the same problem. For one thing, humans and human-shaped things tended to have very specific centers of balance that Isobu didn’t have to care about. Kei would, though. And on a third hand Isobu did not have, her tail couldn’t decide whether it wanted to belong to a land animal or a water one with the way it flattened out at the end. It did have plates and spikes almost identical to Isobu’s, though, which was nice.

 **Are you going to get up?** Isobu asked, sliding back down to the ground.

Kei cracked one eye open—gold, not black or white—and sent an ugly muddle of feelings that were more confusing to Isobu than anything. Kei liked to make jokes that he couldn’t be sick to his stomach when he didn’t eat, or didn’t need to breathe because he didn’t have lungs, and these things were true. Still, he did know what it meant to feel too hot, to be tired, and to feel like pressure built up strangely in one’s limbs and head, like diving wrong. Kei’s message was quite unpleasant as a result.

And then it was back to sleep, apparently.

 **Do you think I can carry you?** Isobu prodded at Kei’s leg, noticing how little she reacted. Her eyes hardly twitched. **I do not think you realize how small I am now. You must use your own legs.**

The end of her tail twitched feebly, and Isobu found all three of his mirroring it. How strange. And it was unfortunately clear as tropical seas that Kei didn’t have the energy to move. Not so far. Perhaps he needed to escalate?

When he decided to try digging his foremost horn into her stomach, because it was the pointiest, Kei lurched unsteadily away from him. Still on her side, Isobu crawled to one side before she could throw up on his shell. Which she nearly did anyway, if not for his quick water manipulation.

 **That was unpleasant,** Isobu said when she stopped coughing. When she dropped back to the sand, he flicked a tail and water reached up from the riverbed until it swept the mess away. **Is it over?**

“ _Uuuuuugh,_ ” was Kei’s response, both in her head and out loud.

**Kei?**

No response.

Isobu lowered his head onto his armored arms, leaning up against Kei’s stomach as best he could. He didn’t know what to do now.

His shell felt smoother, less dangerous than it needed to be. With his partner still normal-sized but unable to keep a coherent thought going from her sudden sickness, and Isobu unfortunately small, his tails prickled with the unfamiliar feeling of being _prey_. He knew what it was—Kei knew it all too well—but for Isobu it was new and unpleasant.

Kei stirred, still seeming out of sorts. Her eyes opened again, eventually focusing on him. _Where…where are we?_

 **We are sitting on the banks of a very small river.** Isobu looked around, peering more closely at trees and reeds he ignored before. **Though now that I think of it, none of the plant life here looks like it ought to. You spend enough time running through trees to see the differences, right?** He picked up a leaf that had drifted into the river with a swirl of water, eyeing it carefully. **This looks a little like an oak leaf, but it does not have enough points.**

Kei sent him a wordless burst of frustration, though it washed over him quickly enough to know it was directed elsewhere. Probably at her inability to sit up without her head spinning.

 **And between the two of us, we have enough plant knowledge to know that bridge—** Isobu sent her a low-perspective image of the flat stones sitting on top of rough-carved columns **—is not of the type humans like to construct.**

Kei thought irritably, _Humans…are more diverse than_ that.

Isobu thought of some of the people they had met on their last adventure. After a second, he conceded the point. He nosed up against her arm, spiky chin digging into her again. **Are you feeling any better?**

 _Sort of._ Kei closed her eyes tightly, lifting her hand to press over them. _I can tell I have a fever, nausea, and muscle fatigue. And a headache I definitely didn’t have yesterday. And my chest feels like it’s going to explode. So, you know. It feels like the flu, but worse._

 **At least you are not sneezing,** Isobu suggested, in a tone that could only be optimistic through his ignorance. He knew what sneezes _were_ , but he hadn’t seen Kei sick much in the years they’d known each other. Most of her time spent in the hospital was caused by injury, not illness. Despite her poor condition, Kei wasn’t injured this time, and Isobu didn’t know how to find a hospital from an unfamiliar riverbank.

 _Yay,_ Kei told him sarcastically. She wedged herself up on her elbows, still swaying slightly, then flopped back into the reeds with a groan. This seemed the limit of her power at the moment.

 **…You cannot move,** Isobu said his tails curling anxiously. **You need help.**

_The flu won’t kill me, Isobu._

**The flu has killed people before.** Isobu turned his attention to the river again. **You need help.**

 _…And you’re admitting that first?_ Kei glared down at him, though without much heat. _I thought I’d have to argue to even get you to say that much._

 **_I_ ** **do not need help,** Isobu insisted. **You do.**

Kei wheezed, which sounded nothing at all like the laugh in her head. But instead of arguing, she curled into a ball on her side and tucked her head toward her chest. Her new horns scraped in the mud, but she didn’t seem to notice. Nor did the feeble twitch of her new tail draw comments, or even generalized confusion. Isobu didn’t know if she could even feel it.

 **I am going to find someone.** Isobu slid down the bank, reaching the river as he summoned a wave to sweep him along. He turned back, looking around at the reed hiding place, then added, **I will just try that strange dog impression. The one with the child in the well.**

 _If anyone…_ Kei paused, thinking with difficulty. _If anyone calls you ugly, bite them._

 **I can do that.** He could make it hurt, too.

With that, Isobu headed downstream in a rush that mimicked a flash flood. The river widened more downstream, allowing him to gather more water to his cause and surge ever faster. It took maybe five or ten minutes to run into a bend in the river that slowed the flow enough to create deep pools—or what would pass for them—and send him crashing to a halt in water less than than two meters deep.

Isobu didn’t come to the surface immediately. He could hear voices over the babble of water now that his little joyride had come to an abrupt end, so he swam underneath the somewhat clear surface until he could get a better view of this group of strangers. It was rather like being a crocodile in some ways, save that Isobu was the wrong color for pretending to be a log and had to stay entirely underwater.

Perhaps he needed to look into how to transform into a crocodile.

Isobu listened for a while longer, putting that thought aside. While the tempo of the voices wasn’t what Isobu was used to, he at least recognized the beats. His siblings weren’t fond of trying to figure out new languages when they had no reference to work from, but he had Kei’s memories to reference if he needed to. It didn’t take long for him to parse out English from Japanese, even if the sounds weren’t exactly what Kei had used in the past. It was useful information, but not useful _enough_.

Isobu surfaced almost solely so he could pick out individual words. He was careful, though, hiding behind a fallen tree to avoid being seen.

“Now we just need to wait for everything to dry. And then we’re off to…Er. Some town.” The voice had an accent Isobu couldn’t quite place, more so because it seemed to wobble back and forth between what Kei was most familiar with and something that just...didn’t sound quite right.

“Trostenwald, Molly. We made decent coin the last time we stopped by, though it’s been a while.” Oh, so that’s what that accent was supposed to sound like. Strange.

And “Trostenwald” sounded funny. Isobu didn’t recognize it.

“Right, that.” Some splashing ensued. Perhaps they were doing laundry? “I’m looking forward to it.”

“You look forward to everything.” Female, grumpy? Maybe.

Teetering Accent Person said, “It’s a lot more fun than _not_ doing that.”

“Hopefully we earn more than just a handful of coppers this time. Just like I told Gustav—”

“We’re not having that argument again, Ornna!” Hrm. Consistent Accent Person and Grumpy Person didn’t seem to get along? But no one had come to blows from the sounds of things. That was a step up from the usual infighting Isobu expected from bandits.

Still, it wasn’t the most riveting conversation Isobu had ever heard. He counted nearly all of Kei’s mundane day-to-day interactions in that tally.

Still, Isobu was looking for people with at least a modicum of goodwill toward…life. If he couldn’t help Kei do anything besides not die, he needed some extra opposable thumbs to get her back on her feet. In whatever form that took.

He poked his head under the edge of the log until he surfaced just enough to see, still covered in river detritus from head to tail-tips, and paused as he observed the group at the new section of riverbank.

Generally speaking, he expected people with two arms, two legs, and a fascination with simple tools to be human. And while a few of the people near the water did look human—if of the entirely wrong “ethnic group,” as Kei called them sometimes—several more only made sense as humans if there was a clan gene that changed things around. Besides the one definitely-a-human Isobu spotted with some strange biwa, there was an entire mess of strange people: three people far too small to be human, a too-pale person with two-toned hair, someone who was greener than Isobu and bigger than Han, a giant frog with the wrong limb arrangement for a summoned animal, and a few others Isobu was less sure about.

Sure, the purple one with the fancy coat looked a little more like Kei did currently, but so did Curse Seal users. Some of _them_ got a whole head of horns and enhanced strength, even if tails didn’t come up much. And they were aggressive and hostile enough to be useless to Isobu’s current concerns at best and actively detrimental at worst.

Isobu peered past the small crowd, looking instead for anything behind them of interest. There were several wagons tied to trees and each other, but none of the wagons looked like the merchant transportation Kei was most familiar with. They were painted bright colors with shining accents of cheap gilt paint, loaded high with either supplies or artistic things Isobu had little use for. Their wheels had thin, near-ornamental spokes and, if he concentrated, Isobu could see the beginning of  delicate lettering angled just out of view from his perspective. Even the horses didn’t look entirely like anything he’d observed through Kei’s eyes, though Isobu had admittedly never paid much attention to such things. The life he generally encountered, in his experience, was either human or fish. Mammals with more limbs than whales didn’t tend to enter his consideration much.

Altogether, it felt like a miniature version of the encounter with the giant’s footprint Kei had found so long ago, Isobu thought. The rules had changed when Isobu was not looking, and he liked it considerably less than he’d enjoyed the first trip into a new world. Or the New World, perhaps.

Nevertheless. He could still feel Kei’s achey thoughts pulsing at the back of his mind, so there wasn’t too much time to find other possible help. And this group _did_ have someone even more oddly colorful than she was now…

**Hmph.**

For a few seconds, Isobu considered his options for introducing himself. When at his full size, he rarely had to _demand_ attention when humans were around. Even if he didn’t mean to scare them, his immense power did the work for him. He hadn’t pushed himself in this form yet, but somehow he doubted that roaring and charging into their midst would get the result he wanted. His voice wasn’t as scary as it needed to be for _that_.

Isobu narrowed his eye, took aim, and then spat a blast of water at the riverbank.

Everyone nearest the water ended up entirely soaked.

 **Oops.** Perhaps he should have just used a single shot instead.

Isobu shook his shell free of debris, splashing without any subtlety whatsoever. Almost immediately, all of their eyes were focused on him.

“What is that supposed to be?” asked the purple one, pulling out a funny-looking blade and pointing it at Isobu. Then there was a garbled sentence or two of a language Isobu didn’t understand, which sounded like an insult.

So Isobu spat at that one in particular.

“Would one of you stop that thing before it ruins all our costumes?” demanded the grumpy-voice one in red.

“I’m trying, but I don’t think it understands wordplay.” The purple one wiped his face dry on a sleeve, or at least tried to.

Isobu hosed that one down again.

“Are you sure?” asked the pale woman.

“Less than I was!” This time, all of the fake jewelry on those double-curled horns jangled. “Does _everything_ understand Common nowadays?”

Isobu would have probably sprayed the group a third time, but two seemed to be enough for the purple one and the pale one to charge after him. This did mean he had two opponents with more mass and more reach than Isobu could lay claim to, given his current state. It also meant they had the advantage on land, as long as he was dragging his tails.

He bared his inner teeth, though no one could see them. _Good._

Quick as a flash, he curled his tails underneath his belly and launched into a forward roll. His spikes hit the water like the business end of a paddle steamer, propelling him along the water and up onto the shoreline, kicking up gravel and dirt on the way. He heard plenty of voices shrieking in surprise, along with a low rumble that could only have come from the frog, but he didn’t uncurl at all until he felt grass underneath him.

And as soon as he let his tails flare out behind him, Isobu took aim at his now-confused pursuers and sprayed them a third time with more water, just for good measure.

“Keep it away from the carts!” yelled the green man.

And Purple called back, sputtering, “You’re helping us with this, Bo!”

That wasn’t the solution Isobu wanted. If they were only planning on chasing him _away,_ they wouldn’t follow him to where Kei was lying on the riverbank.

So he bunched his tails underneath himself and _leapt_ , snagging the end of the drying line in his teeth. Using his tails as leverage, he bounced on the string until it snapped under his weight.

“HEY!” bellowed the pale woman, but Isobu had already gotten a scarf of some kind in his mouth by the time he and the clothes hit the ground.

 _Ow!_ Isobu didn’t freeze, but the spike of pain from Kei made Isobu move just a little faster. Was her illness getting worse? Or was something else happening?

This time, as Isobu wheeled away with his prize caught in his spikes, there were definitely two sets of footsteps chasing after him. While he had to stop repeatedly to make sure the purple one and the pale one didn’t lose sight of him, Isobu steadily led the pair back toward Kei just like some heroic animal. While Isobu didn’t think of himself as particularly heroic, or an animal, sometimes communication between species had some gaps.

_Isobu…?_

**Almost there,** Isobu told her, neatly avoiding an attempt to grab him. Pale Lady wasn’t quite as quick as the people Isobu was used to, and neither was Purple.

 _There’s…two people here…?_ _Hey, o-ow!_

Isobu swerved wildly, circling a bush once while unrolled to give Purple and Pale Lady a chance to catch up with him. **Kei, are you all right?**

Kei’s entire reply boiled down to a  burst of confused, dizzy agony.

She wasn’t far. Instead of just repeating his usual spray-run-pause routine, Isobu turned to his pursuers and gripped the stolen scarf in his hands.

“What is it planning to—”

And then sprayed Purple a fourth time, because speaking first meant volunteering.

“For the love of—”

To add insult to injury to insult, Isobu reached up with his free hand with fingers raised in a “come at me” gesture Kei knew Gai used.

Purple paused. “What the fuck.”

Then Isobu rolled up and away, speeding in Kei’s direction. Not quite so fast, this time. Just in case he reached Kei alone.

In truth, he needn’t have bothered. When Isobu actually returned to Kei’s side again, all thoughts of the constant baiting trick flew out of his head. Likewise, his pursuers redirected their attention from the Tailed Beast taunting them and turned their attention to the _problem_.

“ _Another_ devilblood?”

There were three humans, each wearing rough clothes and leather armor. All of them were fairly big, from Isobu’s low perspective, with two heads of dark hair, one bald dome, and plenty of scars between the lot of them. Isobu could see three axes, a crossbow, and a club either in their hands or on the slung across their backs, which under ordinary circumstances would hardly give him pause. Isobu would have handily crushed them all, or Kei would have done it for him.

Except Kei couldn’t move while suffering from whatever sickness was keeping her down. Instead, she was being held up by the back of her shirt, dragged by farthest human, eyes shut and thoughts spinning without traction. Isobu could still hear her unfocused complaints, but they were fainter than before.

Isobu dropped the scarf and _hissed_.

Stepping up alongside him, Purple held one hand out even as a sword sat at the ready. “I suggest you let go of her and _back away slowly_.” That voice started out friendly before dropping into a threat.

 _Good._ Isobu took aim.

Pale Lady didn’t let go of her big sword, instead moving it into a ready position.

The bald human laughed long and loud as Isobu made his last adjustments. “And what are you going to do ab—?”

Isobu hit him squarely in the face with a chakra-boosted water sphere, knocking him flat on his back. While Purple and Pale Lady flinched away from him for just a second, the bandit holding Kei didn’t drop her. Instead, the other of the bookend pair raised his crossbow and aimed it at Isobu.

Purple snarled something, second curved blade already out and drawing across an exposed, scarred wrist. Isobu saw the crossbow man flinch as ice crackled, and then it was on.

Isobu threw himself into the fight, rolling directly at the human holding Kei hostage. A crossbow bolt bounced off his shell to no effect, and Isobu reached his target almost instantly. Besides, the Pale Lady reached the human with the crossbow and was already cutting him down by the time Isobu closed in.

The human tried to drop Kei and attack, even if he had to step on her. That was probably the second major mistake this human had made today, and it would be his last.

Isobu molded his chakra more carefully this time, though hand seals were useless. _Water Dragon Bullet._

Purple rushed past, going for the human Isobu had knocked down, and was nearly bowled over by the gout of water as it emerged from the nearby river. The water formed a twister first, and then coiled up and out of the riverbed to make a snarling maw topped with glowing yellow eyes. It circled around to reach its target, snatching up the bandit that had _dared_ lay a hand on Kei and shaking its head like a dog with a rat. The crunch was inaudible over the rest of the noise, but Isobu felt it through the construct and let both the dragon and the human drop to the ground.

The dragon exploded into water droplets. The human didn’t get up.

Meanwhile, Purple and Pale Lady had charged for the bald human, who had hardly any time to get to his feet before they cut him apart between them. Purple got the last hit in, driving the ice sword into an exposed throat. There was less blood than made sense.

Still, then it was weapon-cleaning and complaining time, and Isobu didn’t care for that.

With that would-be question settled, Isobu dragged himself to Kei and nudged her over until she was lying on her side facing him. Safer that way.

Checking quickly, Isobu examined Kei and tallied up a split lip…and that was it. Maybe a bruised tail? The mess of sense memory said one of the bandits had yanked really hard on Kei’s new middle horn, but really the illness was still causing the most trouble. Though perhaps it wasn’t warranted yet, Isobu let out a quiet sigh of relief. Kei was an awful trouble magnet.

Then everything was quiet.

“This your friend?” asked Pale Lady. Isobu couldn’t see her well from his angle, and thus turned until he could. And she was only a meter or so away, with blood all down her sword, splitting her attention between Isobu, Kei, and Purple.

Kei cracked one eye open, just in time. She blinked slowly up at Pale Lady, and then at Purple when everyone gathered again. Her gaze slid to Isobu again before she shut her eyes again, without saying anything aloud.

_What the hell…?_

**Give me a little time.** Isobu straightened his forelegs, one tail wrapped around Kei’s wrist, and nodded firmly to Pale Lady.

“Yasha,” said Purple. That tone sounded like a warning but, more importantly, Isobu recognized the sounds. Sure, the word was archaic and had fallen out of use around the time the Tailed Beasts were young, but _that_ was familiar. “Be careful. You need your fingers more than it does.”

Isobu eyed Purple and blew a bubble in that direction, just to be contrary.

Purple popped it with the point of the ice sword, smirking.

“Molly, Yasha!” called a different voice, and the pointy-eared maybe-human jogged slowly into view. As he came to a stumbling stop, probably unable to see Isobu clearly, he asked, “Did you get Toya’s scarf back?”

“More than that, I think.” Purple was thus renamed Molly, which was a kind of name _Kei_ would recognize when Isobu didn’t. Shaking out the eyesore coat, which still dripped quite a lot, “Ornna’s about to have another chance to yell at you, Gustav.”

“Wha—oh. Oh, what happened here?” Gustav, who apparently had a little button in his head marked “charity” that could be easily pressed, shooed Yasha and Molly away. That left him face-to-spikes with Isobu, whose two free tails curled into wary S-shapes. “Is this why you raised such a ruckus? Your tiefling friend is hurt?”

“Called it,” said Molly in a perfectly audible voice, but Gustav ignored that.

Isobu nodded firmly to Gustav. He was already checking Kei’s pulse and temperature, and all those other human things that Isobu rarely needed to think about unless Kei got hurt while his chakra flowed through them both. This was strange new territory.

“Yasha, could you give me a hand?” Gustav asked. “She’s pretty bad off right now.”

Rather than replying, Yasha bent down and neatly scooped Kei up and over her shoulder as soon as Isobu let go, like Kei didn’t weigh anything. No one offered the same to Isobu, but that was fine. He’d already proven he was plenty fast enough to put these bipedal people through their paces. Molly and Gustav talked as they cleared the bandit bodies away into underbrush, with Isobu not lifting a single tail to assist. He didn’t see the point.

While they headed back to the watering hole, Isobu managed to catch the name of the strange caravan that he had missed before. He’d been a little too busy rolling circles around everyone at the time to check.

 **The Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival of Curiosities,** Isobu read, more to himself than even to Kei. She was hardly in a state to notice. **Interesting start.**

Kei, perhaps fortunately, was too unconscious to notice when the fan-lady started yelling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " **Gaze of Two Minds** : You can use your action to touch a willing humanoid and perceive through its senses until the end of your next turn..." -- Player's Handbook, 5th Edition D&D


	2. Visions of Distant Realms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter is named after a Warlock's Eldritch Invocations.

When I woke up, it was dark. This thought took a while to sink in, because I was a little busy counting up everything else that wasn't quite right. Between the general exhaustion, the unpleasant sensation of what felt like two days of sweat stuck to my skin, and a combination backache and headache that didn't make a whole lot of sense, waking up in the dark was comparatively minor. All in all, the time it took for me to realize that it wasn't _dark_ so much as bizarrely well-lit despite a ton of stars overhead was not wasted. It was only around a minute or so.

Oh, and there was the bit where I could see in color despite seeing the moon hanging directly outside a...tent, apparently. I was in a tent. And as for the moon mystery, it didn't look like real life darkness—instead, it kind of seemed like the blueish light Hollywood used when trying to give the _impression_ of darkness.

Yay, weirdness. As though I didn't have enough of that in my life already.

 **Kei,** said Isobu's familiar voice, **it is time to wake up for real.**

 _What the hell happened?_ I asked him, spotting the distinctive tails of an Isobu clone just to my left. Guarding my weaker side, as always.

Sure, I didn't know _how_ Isobu had managed to make a clone without me noticing, but I'd been unconscious. Sneaking things past someone passed out on a floor was easy mode.

 **Many things. I have been listening.** Isobu let out a sigh. **And once again, we are very far from home, and all the rules are different.**

 _God fucking dammit._ I sat up with difficulty. My head and neck felt heavy, like there was some unaccustomed weight strapped to my skull. Several things stopped me from reaching up and trying to take off whatever it was. In order: The sudden realization that my hands and arms were _definitely_ the wrong color, the bangs hanging down over my eyes were _also_ wrong and parted funny, and the sudden realization that _there was something stuck to my spine_. These three realizations were immediately followed by reaching behind my back with shaky hands and pulling—and feeling the tug of—a _literal tail_ out from behind my back.

The tip of it, shaped and armored like the ends of Isobu's tails, settled easily into my hands. My spine prickled. And I was including the tail in that count.

 **Did I mention that you also do not look entirely like you?** Isobu said cautiously, his voice almost as small as the clone. **Because your face is the same, but a number of other things are not.**

I met the clone's gaze. But it couldn't just be a clone, because Isobu's chakra wasn't coming from anywhere _else_. With my eyes on him, the little Isobu wriggled up onto my lap and laid his spiky head down.

Isobu was _fucking tiny._

_Oh shit. Ohhhh shit. What the hell happened to us?_

**I wish I knew.** Isobu leaned into my touch as my strangely-colored fingers found the old sweet spot along his neck and started scratching gently. Even my nails didn't really look entirely human anymore, thicker keratin with ragged edges. Though that last detail was my fault. **Would you like me to tell you everything I** ** _do_** **know?**

I nodded, even as I reached up to figure out what the weight on my head was and found smooth horns instead of, say, a hat. A weird hat would have been _easier_. Funny how the texture was the same as Isobu's now-reduced head spikes, though.

Or not. I had suspicions.

 **Very well.** And Isobu did his best. I listened patiently as my friend tried to explain his perspective on the events of what turned out to be the past thirty-six hours. I'd been unconcious since yesterday morning, after Isobu dragged a bunch of carnies— **Is that what they are called?** Isobu had asked—into helping look after me.

When it was over, Isobu added, **I heard one of them call you a tiefling. Do you know what that is?**

I thought hard about it, digging into some of the less-used parts of my memory. Even before my ninja life, nerdy things had been among my best-loved hobbies. I didn't _participate_ in most of them, beyond just reading everything I could get my hands on and looking at cool artwork for games I couldn't play and events I never attended, but some information was rattling around in the old headspace.

_Just to be clear, I have horns, a tail like yours, and I probably look like someone replaced my entire color palette with something random. Or something that matches you. I kind of prefer the second option if there's a choice._

**Yes.** Isobu even sent me a little mental snapshot of my appearance to prove it. I probably wouldn't have recognized my own reflection if he hadn't.

_And one of the jackasses you killed called me a "devilblood."_

**I assumed it was a slur, yes. Aimed at you and one of your rescuers. Typical blustering.**

_…Then yeah, I have a marginal idea of what kind of fuckery we're in for._ I mirrored Isobu's deep sigh. _And I'll probably have to spend some time relearning every physical technique I have._

**Why?**

_Because I have something like a meter and a half of extra spinal column._ I poked at the spiked end of my new tail. _And even if that didn't mean a leg's worth of excess weight, my center of balance shifted too. Even walking might be a challenge._

Isobu visibly considered this problem. **What are we going to do in the meantime?**

 _We're going to…introduce ourselves, and thank our rescuers for putting up with all of that._ I frowned, running my hands over the new armor plates I'd need to adapt to. This was different from playing with Isobu's power. _And then we'll see._

I reached up and pushed the tent flap aside, swaying a little even as all conversation outside of the tent came to a halt. Crawling out was unpleasant, even with Isobu cheerfully dragging himself along beside me as moral support. And in the end, I had to stop not far from where I'd started, with a rough blanket still around my shoulders and aches reminding me they were still hanging around.

Sort of a pathetic start to things.

"Oh, you're awake!" I didn't flinch when I looked up at the voice's owner, though I did pause momentarily. Isobu had called this one— **Gustav,** he'd said—maybe-human, and I could see that. His ears were tapered and his face was a little too sharp to be fully human. But I didn't have a whole lot of room to talk. I had _horns_.

"I am," I agreed in a neutral voice as I looked around. Okay, English was the language of the day. Convenient in some ways and _worrying_ in others. "Um, who are you and how did I get here?"

"Gustav Fletching," said the man Isobu had identified as the ringleader. What a thought. And it was nice to hear that family names were a thing here. "Of the Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival of Curiosities. Ring any bells?"

If they were supposed to be famous, I might have played along. The Whitebeards had given me shit for not knowing who they were, though no one took it personally. On the other hand, Isobu's assessments of this group were turning out fairly accurate. This was no whirlwind tour bus situation, with groupies and sold-out shows in big stadiums. Everyone _here_ was fairly poor from the looks of things. "Sorry, I don't think so."

"Don't be sorry. It's no real loss," Gustav replied. "It just means our next show will be a surprise for everyone."

I managed to make it to the campfire with only a little help from Gustav, sinking onto a lump of blanket with my legs folded underneath me. Keeping up _seiza_ for too long was literally a pain, my body was going to take some getting used to all over again. I wasn't even fully sure I could control the tail at the moment.

The pirate adventure had been _easy_ compared to this. I'd only gotten rapid healing and poison immunity out of landing someplace where sense went to die. _This_ was a standard fantasy crock of shit.

Looking around, I could pick out everyone Isobu had identified while I was unconscious. The two halflings—or possible hobbits—were twins named Mona and Yuli, and probably older than they looked. The purple tiefling with the bedazzled _everything_ was Molly, while the big goth was Yasha. That left Bosun or "Bo" the half-orc, Gustav, Desmond, Ornna (who didn't seem to be human), and the mismatched pair of Toya and Kylre, respectively a dwarven child and a toad-like man the size of a small car. Really, for as much of a front Isobu put up about not caring for people, he had a good ear for names even if they came from different cultures.

"So, what can we call you?" asked Gustav.

Given the European-style names I had been hearing Isobu recite? It didn't seem like my nickname or my real name would do much other than pinpoint my as an outsider. Or invite fifty-seven lazy puns, given what Isobu had told me of this group's personalities. Puns were great, but I preferred to be the one dishing them out.

I went with something that sounded a little different.

"It's Caretta," I lied.

**Why that?**

_It's the scientific name of the loggerhead sea turtle._

**…What.**

_I had a biology phase when I was younger, okay?_ So what if it was a little nerdy? I also literally wrote my way to victory most of the time. _And a lot of that kind of Latin sounds like names to people who don't know it._

 **That doesn't answer my question.** Isobu paused. **So, do I need to come up with a fake name?**

_If you want to._

**Hm. No. Introduce me as myself.**

"And this tough little cookie?" Gustav prompted, indicating the turtle monster on my lap. "It led us straight to you."

"He," I corrected patiently. Isobu leaned into my hand, enjoying the attention like the little drama queen he was. "This is Isobu. He's…not a sweetheart, exactly, but he's my friend. And I'm sorry if he caused you any trouble on my behalf."

"Your 'friend' ruined Toya's scarf," said Ornna, sitting a little too close to the fire to be comfortable. "We're not made of money."

Because this comment seemed far more directed at me than Toya, Isobu growled at Ornna until I clapped a hand down on the top of his shell. The demonic alarm clock impression stopped.

"Quiet, you." I coughed to clear my throat. "Anyway, I'm sorry. I, uh… I'm very grateful you decided to help me even though Isobu caused trouble. And I don't have any money, so…" I bowed deeply enough that though I remained seated, my bangs brushed the ground. "If there's any way I can repay you, just name it."

"Your thanks is enough—" Gustav tried to say.

"—but you're on dish duty for a week," Ornna suggested, cutting him off.

"Ornna—"

"Words don't put food on our mouths or coin in our pockets," Ornna told him, scowling. "We can't afford any dead weight!"

"Caretta can't even stand right now," said Bo, though not with any particular conviction. I was just a hapless stranger, after all.

"I understand," I replied, my head still lowered. After a few more seconds, I sat back properly and added, "I'll help out wherever I can." And a week of light duty would give me plenty of time to try and figure out the limitations of my new form.

"Well, it would be nice to hand off some of our chores." Molly grinned. "Consider it a bit of a hazing."

"How good are you at sewing?" asked Toya, from Kylre's arms. "Or—"

"Or foraging," Desmond put in.

"Oh no," I muttered, though it was perfectly audible.

Molly seemed to be having fun. "Have fun being everyone's assistant!"

 _Ohhhhh no_ , I repeated silently.

**Typical.**

* * *

In truth, it took me at least another day to even get to my feet properly. Between leftover weakness from whatever bug I'd caught, the changes to my body that repositioned my center of balance to somewhere around my ankles, and a limb halfway between prehensile and a thagomizer, I didn't have time the following week for much other than adaptation and chores. While Isobu was happy to help by keeping other people out of my way—primarily by threatening to run over their feet if they got too close—the circus crew seemed more interested than commentary than assistance. They had their own jobs to do.

The circus didn't tend to really stop in small villages. While Gustav and the others would happily perform for coppers and single-digit counts of silver coins when just drumming up cash, the big tent stayed where it was packed. Maybe Molly would do a bit of fortune-telling for passing children, or Ornna would flash her fiery fans because small-town folks were easily entertained. The Knot Sisters would occasionally disappear, coming back with small change that probably hadn't been earned legally. Kylre slept in a wagon, keeping out of sight of people who spooked too fast, while Toya would sing travel songs to keep everyone's spirits up.

And every night, all of the circus members would celebrate in some small way. Even if it was as simple as just having a good-natured argument, it was endearing in some ways.

This wasn't my world, but they seemed quite happy. I just tried my best to stay out of their way as I built my strength back up.

About three days of running errands and completing chores for whoever asked, I earned a little time for just testing my flexibility while the caravan stopped for lunch. A few people even thought of exploring the river they were following slowly north, refilling waterskins and trying their hands at fishing. With little chance of being randomly, say, attacked by dire bears for no reason, it felt safe enough.

I sat down in the grass and got to work.

 **So you** **_can_ ** **still do the splits.**

 _Only sideways, now. The tail's a pain._ I still had full rotation in my joints otherwise, even if my neck remained stiff thanks to extra weight from the horns. And I'd probably never wear hats or hoods while I had them, but that was a smaller sacrifice.

**You will learn how to use it.**

_Hopefully soon._ I got to my feet in one smooth motion, glancing around. No one appeared to need me for the moment, so I picked Isobu up to let him climb onto my shoulders. It was a little like having a mutant Squirtle following me around, only Isobu was about three times as ornery. _Right now it's like having a flail stuck to my ass. If the chain was my_ spine. _Not a great combination._

"Caretta," said Bo, as lunch was being passed out. Desmond seemed to be handling that particular task just fine, but I trotted over to where Bo was waiting nonetheless. "I don't think anyone asked before, since your little friend punches like Yasha, but do you know how to fight?"

I nodded while Isobu made miffed noises at the back of my head. "If I have to, I can hold my own."

Bo sized me up carefully. "I wonder… Well, if something does happen, try to help Molly and Yasha out. Molly might be able to lend you one of his practice swords…"

"It's all right. I know I didn't make a good first impression, but you don't need to make any special considerations for me." I pasted a smile to my face. "Really, don't worry."

Bo looked doubtful. "Well, if you're sure."

"I am, but thank you for being considerate." I bowed again.

"Please don't do that," Bo said. "It'll make the locals think they can walk all over you."

**And I will make them regret it if they try.**

_Hush._

"Well, that was all I really wanted to talk to you about. Here, Desmond has food," Bo said, and directed me to the serving pot.

Road trip food wasn't really any worse than the rations I was used to from past missions. Sure, there was a dire shortage of rice, fresh meat, or really fresh _anything_ , but it was consistent. I only worried that my appetite was straining the group's supplies, and thus made the decision to go foraging after Ornna's complaints got a little too persistent.

I didn't want to make a fuss. These people were not the Whitebeard Pirates. Not everyone owned a quarter of the world's deadliest ocean, with resources to match.

I apparently wasn't the only one with that idea.

"Yasha? She does that sometimes," was all Molly said when I looked around in confusion one morning. It was hard to miss a two-meter barbarian with arms like girders, so her absence was equally notable. "Don't worry, she always finds her way back. She's reliable that way."

"I'm not totally sure how she always finds us," said Toya in her soft croak. "Sometimes we end up really far from where we said we'd meet up, but she finds us anyway."

 _I have to wonder if she just goes from town to town asking about the_ literal circus, I commented to Isobu. My gaze slid to Molly, who was cheerfully bickering with Mona and Yuli. And probably losing. _Or, failing that, for an ostentatious purple tiefling._

**You are hardly less inconspicuous now, you know.**

_…True._

At first, it seemed like the rest of the day would pass peacefully without Yasha. They made it through one small town and lunch before anything happened.

Now, I hadn't been idle. While my trip through a world infested with homicidal Marines and pirates had been a lot more fun in some ways than this strange adventure was turning out to be so far, it had taught me a few things. Among other precautions against being caught unawares, I'd traded out my lackluster holdout kunai seal—in the sole of my foot, I'd created a storage seal for a backpack stuffed to the brim with supplies. I was certainly grateful for the circus's generosity, but wasn't without resources despite lacking money.

Konoha liked gold and so had the Grand Line, but paper was a lot more convenient. This world probably didn't even have widespread printing. But that was a bit off-topic.

Anyway, I spent a long evening's watch—even without much firelight—constructing a mess of utility seals with my emergency supplies. Getting caught off guard hadn't been fun the first time, and chasing a box of paper across Nanohana had been downright embarrassing. Because putting physical sealing tags inside the storage seal in my foot was a bad idea on several levels, I kept them stuffed in my pockets. Then I stowed everything else, backpack included.

Thus, on the next free day, I wandered away from camp around noon, focused primarily on seeing what counted as wild food in this strange country. Tracking seals pasted to the bottoms of wagons kept me from losing my way back, even if the way forward was going to be a little vague for a while. I'd get the lay of the land eventually.

Everything was _fine_.

**I do not understand why I must stay and watch the camp.**

_Because if you scream, I'm guaranteed to hear it._

Isobu grumbled, but he let me chase down dinner in peace.

Half an hour and three rat rabbits into my hunt, Isobu lit the figurative fires of Gondor with a horrific shriek. Without hesitation, I bundled my catches together with steel wire and hung them from the nearest tall tree with all the care of skipping a stone. Then I tore off in the direction of the circus camp, slamming chakra into my legs to go that much faster. And, amazingly, my body didn't protest at all. In fact, my coils everywhere but my left arm felt in top shape.

 _So much for taking it easy. On any count._ Hurtling over the river in one leap, I said to Isobu, _What are we looking at?_

**Six bandits, same weapon types as before. Yasha absent, Bosun down. Kylre and Molly are surrounded. The rest are not fighters. This could go poorly.**

_Not for long._ Isobu's chakra pulsed in my right arm as I ran, focusing to a needle-thin point out of only one or two tenketsu. Clay-like pinkish gray matter grew on my palm, extruding in a rush as I hurried toward the fight.

**I just shot two. Here we go!**

When I arrived, Molly, Kylre, and Isobu were back-to-back-to-back in the middle of camp, though only Toya was entirely defended by all of them because she was back against a cart. As I skidded to a stop in a whirl of flying leaves and dust, crouched there for a fight, I assessed the enemy.

The bandits matched Isobu's description, even if they were a bit more drenched than they'd probably expected. The biggest of the attackers was probably half the height of Kylre as the lizardman stood up on his stubby legs, barrel-sized arms pumping at enemies who made the mistake of getting in arm's reach. People he hit wouldn't get up again.

 _Very well, then._ I stuck two fingers in my mouth and blew out a piercing whistle.

Two bandit heads whipped in my direction. "Where the hell did she—?"

"The _Hells,_ probably!"

 _Too slow._ And then I was crashing into the ones who looked, a foot meeting the skull of one hard enough for the bone to give way. Before the other could recover, I wheeled around on the spot, pivoted on my back heel, and brought a coral-coated palm slamming up into the other bandits' throat. The coral shattered, chalky shards flying.

Isobu didn't miss a beat. He shot a blast of water at a bandit trying to creep up on Kylre by ducking under the toad's massive bulk. Then he was rolling rapidly between each one as a distraction.

Molly burst into action, both scimitars swinging and carving into the club-wielding bandit who'd gotten in his face. Ice glittered all along the edge of one of his swords while blood ran down his throat. He hissed something in a guttural language, and the bandit trying to kick Isobu clutched at his skull like he'd just been punched.

Kylre's fists slammed down on the prone bandits. There was some pained wheezing, but I didn't get the impression _he'd_ needed my help much. They could have hacked at him all day and not gotten anywhere. His thick hide and fat layer turned all blades aside.

Ornna's arms darted from under the cat and scooped Toya up, removing her from the remainder of the fight.

My coral sword abandoned in the dead bandit, I cut out the middleman and punched the last man standing square in the throat. He collapsed, gurgling, and I kicked him one more time just for good measure.

Still, the fight was over. Five of the six bandits were dead.

"Fashionably late?" Molly asked, as Kylre started dragging bodies away from innocent eyes. Such as there were. Hopefully he hurled them into a ditch.

"Hunting," I said, shaking my head.

The sixth bandit did get to his feet, but Isobu's last water bullet hurled him ass over teakettle into the river. I didn't hear a crunch, but Isobu knew his business. If he didn't want people alive, they tended not to walk around for long.

"Thank you for protecting them, Isobu."

"You're thanking the devil turtle?" But Molly didn't seem to expect any response, already rushing over to help Bo back to his feet.

I shrugged to herself and picked Isobu up. The little monster wrapped a tail around my tattooed wrist to swing up and onto my back, unphased by the fight. Because of course he wasn't. He placed approximately the same value on human life as he did on money, laws, and steel-toed shoes. To whit: None.

"Is everyone okay?" Gustav called, while Kylre continued to remove corpses.

He looked a little roughed up, with scuffs and a bit of blood here and there. There was no serious damage, and likewise Bo was roused without difficulty. Across the way, Ornna, Toya, and both of the Knot Sisters emerged from their hiding places unharmed. Still, there were a workable number of replies, so I didn't worry about them.

Instead, I picked my way to the river and fished out the bandit with the cracked skull, who appeared to have also broken his neck thanks to Isobu's little trick. There wasn't anything else I could do for either him or the circus folk. Though it had been years, at least body disposal was a familiar job. After, I even had a chance to go retrieve the rabbits and drop them near Desmond's stewpot, for whatever it was worth with lunch hour ruined.

And when that job was done, Ornna was waiting for me.

"I'm a little torn," Ornna said, leaning against the cart.

I didn't reply.

After a few seconds longer, the fire genasi sighed and asked, "Is where you come from going to be a problem for us?"

If my and Isobu's ocean adventure was any indication? Not only did Konoha not know where we were, there was little chance they'd be able to do anything even if they did. Worlds were a little harder to cross than countries. Even if Konoha had a problem with my current accommodations, I'd never allow people who helped me get hurt by my friends.

"No," I said.

Ornna glared at me. "Keep it that way."

 _Or what?_ I wondered.

**Empty threat.**

Ah. Good old Isobu. Viciously defending me even when no one needed to.

That wasn't quite the end of things, of course.

Molly caught up with me while I was painstakingly stitching a hole accidentally opened in Bo's clothes.

The half-orc hadn't said much as they all fell into the usual routines. I was still the gofer, especially with my sword lying snapped in the back of one of the carts. The coral shards seemed interesting enough to keep once the blood was rinsed off. If nothing else, the material could sell for a pretty penny to jewelers in the Dwendalian Empire. Good luck to anyone who wanted to find out what species it was, though. _I'd_ never figured that out.

Anyway, Mollymauk. All Molly had to do was hop up onto the end of the cart alongside me and tuck his tail safely away from the wheels.

I didn't really know what to think of him yet. Someone with that much flash and gilt glamor crammed into a skinny frame reminded me of the Grand Line, only without the same kind of power. While I did tend to scrape by on first impressions and chakra sense when I could, this place was as devoid of worthwhile foreknowledge and other chakra-users as my last cross-universe trip. Knowing things like how Deidara liked to make things explode didn't get a lot of use here.

"So, Caretta," Molly began as he pulled a packet of playing cards from some hidden pocket of his coat, "care for a reading? Free of charge, of course."

"I thought you needed a question to ask, first," I replied, vague recognition tickling at my brain. Hadn't I skeptic-rambled my way out of one of these a long time ago?

"The standard reading should do well enough. Past, present, future. The usual," Molly assured me. I was not reassured in any way. In all honesty, Molly's speaking style and idea of persuasion reminded me of a used car salesman. Or a used wagon salesman, perhaps.

"If it'll make you feel better." I shrugged, neatly stitching a line and pulling Bo's shirt back together. The bouncing cart didn't bother me much. If I could freehand a skull with carnations on a turtle's back, carts were child's play.

"Ordinarily, you know," Molly went on, "I'd follow my father's advice. Never do anything for free you could be paid for. But you did rush into a fight and try to help."

 **You did rather more than** ** _help_** **,** Isobu growled from behind our backs. He'd been the one to break the coral into efficient pieces with his teeth.

Molly shuffled his cards with the practiced motions of someone who told fortunes for a living. Or maybe worked at a casino. "Hmm, let's start with your past."

I listened with one ear while Molly pushed a sack of flour out of the way to clear a space for his reading. That accomplished, he drew the first card. As Molly set it down, Isobu clambered up against my back and wrapped his tails around anything heavy enough to secure him.

I was going to end up with a Tailed Beast _hat_ someday soon. Isobu hated being short.

"Ah, Death. Sometime in the past, you made a clean break from something and threw your life into chaos. Seeing as you're still here, it seems to have worked out for you. Quite fortunate, given the Raven Queen's domains. That phase seems over now, at least."

Molly gave me a winning smile, but I held back on judgment. His cold-reading skills were impressive, at least. He was even making me do all the work to apply the card's supposed meanings to my life, just like astrology.

Still, I had a question. "Who is the Raven Queen?"

"...The goddess of death, fate, and blood," Molly said, with only the barest pause.

"So, the present." I directed a stray thought at Isobu, silently adding, " _Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift," right?_

 **Sound a little less like you plan to teach a panda to fight, and perhaps we will have that conversation.** Isobu huffed. **I am not a tortoise.**

"Of course. Now, most people don't need much insight into their day to day lives…well, until they do. And then they often find their way to me," Molly said, and he drew a second card to place next to the first. "The Chariot, reversed. You're confused and indecisive at the moment. If nothing else, you're in the right place for that. The circus is full of people with nowhere to go and no idea where to start looking, if you pay attention."

Well, that was oddly accurate for a blind draw. Interesting.

"No comments yet? Well, how about your future? Might loosen your tongue," Molly said without looking up. He drew again. "And… Oh, I see. Judgement. It seems like someone's in for a reckoning, though I can't say if it's you or just someone in your way. Probably them, given what I saw today." Molly hemmed and hawed for a second. "It's a hopeful sort of card, though, so chin up. "

 _If I don't have to punch out a second god in four years, I'll be a happy woman._ I sighed. "Did that make you feel any better?"

"I'm merely a humble vessel for higher powers," Molly insisted, still smiling. With a quick sweep of his hand, he cleared the space between us and was already shuffling his deck again. "It's really about your feelings, not mine."

"Okay. Then do one for Isobu," I suggested, knowing full well Molly wouldn't.

Molly paused, cards already hidden again. "He's…kind of a pet, isn't he? A very dangerous one, but—"

Isobu, who had been _just_ patient enough to spare Molly's cards, spat a bubble in his face out of sheer pique. I popped it with a finger before Molly could get drenched again, then shoved Isobu back behind me again.

"He also holds grudges, so don't talk about him like he's not a person." I held up the shirt I'd been working on. _Not entirely crap._ "Hey, Bo! Your shirt is fixed!"

"Thanks!" Bo called back. "Stick it in the back."

I folded it neatly and set it back safely in the wagon. I felt Molly's blank red eyes on me and met his gaze squarely a second later. "It was very nice of you to read my fortune. Thank you."

"Well, that was hardly any trouble. You've been very helpful." With that, Molly left me sitting there on the back of the cart, immediately fluttering to the next person like a social hummingbird. Toya's sweet singing voice floated back toward me a minute later, so I sat back and hummed quietly along.

**I do not like that one.**

_You don't like most people anyway._

**And I have no intention of changing that policy** **_now_** **.**

_Fair enough._

But I did find some "new" clothes laid out in my meager circus-derived belongings later, so maybe there were only hard feelings from Isobu's end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Session Zero End.  
> " **Visions of Distant Realms** : You can cast Arcane Eye at will, without expending a spell slot." - Player's Handbook, 5th Edition D&D  
>  (Or: You can have an invisible. silent camera drone fly around dungeons without putting yourself at risk.)
> 
> [ Also, a picture of Kei and Isobu in their D&D forms!](https://cyb-by-lang.tumblr.com/post/179471517658/description-a-digital-drawing-of-a-tiefling)


	3. Path of the Seeker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein episode 1 of _Critical Role_ 's second campaign happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited 11/12/17: Fuck it, Rin is now capable of speaking Common.

Gustav surprised me with a gift on the morning we got to the first big stop I’d be around to see.

“You can’t make it anywhere in the Empire without papers,” Gustav said with a grin. In his ink-stained hands, he held a sheaf of papers and dropped them in her hands. “I didn’t know if you’d want a last name, so I just picked something that sort of sounded right. Just make sure to memorize it so the Crownsguard don’t catch you in a lie, all right?”

Given that I was not, in fact, named “Caretta Schiavoni” and probably didn’t look the part, I had to wonder where Gustav had gotten the idea. Aside from Molly, Desmond, and Gustav, I hadn’t exactly heard anybody else make much use of last names.

Ah, well. I’d been lying since I got here.

“Thank you very much, Gustav.” I bowed deeply over the glorified passport. “You’ve been very kind to me.”

“It’s all right. One good turn deserves another, and you’ve been a model guest.”

“Can you two please hurry that up? The station’s just around the bend,” said Desmond, and Gustav took his place at the head of the caravan with a spring in his spindly step.

**Is that like your ninja registration number?**

_A little._ As I checked on Isobu to make sure he was still locked in a costume trunk in the back of my wagon—driven by Ornna—I replied, In hindsight, I probably should have asked about official documentation before. I’ve just never been in a contiguous empire long enough to think about it.

 **We have been skating laws with wild abandon. Doing so is more fun.** Isobu sent me the image of the inside view of the trunk to confirm he was still there, then added, **Have you told any of them your plans?**

_Not yet. Once we get safely into town._

Isobu hummed a sad little note. Then, **I hate this.**

I didn’t have to ask what he meant.

Even putting aside how much freedom Isobu won for himself over the years, being slammed back down into a shape he didn’t ask for had to be a major setback. The freedom to move in the world didn’t feel complete when he couldn’t be sure he’d keep it. I didn’t know enough about this world to be sure if Isobu’s appearance would let him really wander freely, like he had when we were out in the Grand Line. Every day he had to spend like this, he was kicked in the face with reminders of his relative powerlessness. Worse yet, I’d heard him calling for his siblings late at night on my watch. There was never any response.

 _We’ll make it back to them,_ I assured him. _Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but we’ll go home._

Isobu grunted something indecipherable and ignored me. Fair enough.

Honestly, letting that conversation lie was as much for his benefit as it was mine. I didn’t really want to talk homesickness.

I did, however, want to talk about my job with the circus. Gustav’s passport thing said my work specialty was “sword juggling.” Being asked to prove that sounded like a terrible idea for everybody.

“Ornna,” I began quietly, “once we reach town and Molly and Yasha start their rounds, can I spend a little time on my own instead?”

Ornna snorted. “Do whatever you want. You’re a grown woman.”

 _No snide comment about how I’m not a member of the circus anyway? She must like me._ “Thank you, Ornna. I’ll make sure tell Gustav.”

And to be honest, well, I might’ve just wandered around street corners and explored the town. New places with German names were definitely outside of my experience as either a jōnin or an adopted pirate, and I’d heard weird things about Oktoberfest in a lifetime or two. Even if this was just any fishing town, I at least wanted a chance to take a damn bath. I’d been listening intently to the carnival crew for any indication of what civilized life was like compared to the life of a roadie, though, since I hadn’t asked questions, I only knew that Molly was magnetically attracted to bathhouses. Road dust and road sweat and no internal plumbing made for a very grumpy Kei, gotta say.

But I started picking out little flickers of something as we entered Trostenwald.

I’d known for years that people with chakra suppression skills could slip by me if they were good enough, especially because my range was a fifty kilometer radius. The best of the best, like Orochimaru, tended to be the types who could waltz right up to me and do jazz hands behind my head without me noticing. ANBU weren’t quite as good, and most shinobi far less stealthy than that.

Rin wasn’t even trying.

I stuck around long enough to help set up the big top tent and the performers’ common areas. Yasha ended up not needing my help at all, so all I had to do after that was make sure no one else wanted an extra pair of hands in the mix. But after Ornna and Toya both shrugged off any assistance with makeup, because they’d done shows without my amateur ass before and intended to continue, I let Gustav know I’d be taking a day off and disappeared into the city.

I probably didn’t read half the signs, honestly. I skipped checking out breweries and apothecaries, didn’t get anywhere near Crownsguard strongholds or the seat of any government, and doubled down on my earlier resolution to avoid people.

This somehow put me on the opposite side of the entire city from the circus, still chasing the sensation of an autumn afternoon. Subtly, of course. (Or under a transformation technique to make myself look human again.) Even if I hadn’t seen anyone spit at Molly or Bo while on the road, I knew enough to guess a country with established racial slurs for my current appearance probably had an attitude behind it. The power to punch people out on a whim was more useful in lawless backcountry when the only people around wanted to use your bones as soup stock. In an established city? Hah, no.

The chakra jumped from one alleyway to the next in my mind’s eye. While perhaps not my best plan, I sent a pulse of my chakra outward as I passed in front of the second row of buildings. Rin wasn’t much of a sensor unless in the middle of an exam, but hopefully she’d pick up something about me she recognized.

It didn’t take that long.

As soon as I spotted a familiar figure, I was already heading right for her. _“Is that really you?”_

Rin, though short and slight compared to a lot of the local humans, probably would have stood out for other reasons. I hadn’t seen a single Asian-adjacent person in the week I’d been hanging with the circus. Logically, I knew small towns didn’t tend to be the most diverse places, but I’d met or seen at least twenty nonhumans. The only one with Asian features had been my reflection. Rin’s long, dark hair was bound up in a braid and she wasn’t wearing skirt and blouses she preferred in Konoha—due to transformation chicanery—but she was still recognizable.  

Not exactly the same as my situation.

 _“It’d be hard for me to be anyone else.”_ Rin ducked her head a little and looked up at me through her bangs. _“So. How was your week?”_

Her normally-dark eyes were entirely different, reflecting light like a cat’s and her irises were streaked with blue, green, and purple. Her smile wobbled uncertainly. Rin’s hair caught the light strangely, reflecting red and violet in turn. Her chakra felt different, with an edge I couldn’t fully identify. Most of the chakra signatures I was used to were half-sensory data generally incongruous with people. I could compare them to shadows, or cheerful little fires, or lightning strikes.

I’d never run into a variation that felt like singing.

It felt like the damned mission objective from before this clusterfuck started.

Ugh, thought for later. I replied instead, _“Not even a week. It’s…been interesting. Sorry I didn’t come find you sooner.”_

 _“I mean, it wasn’t so bad. Not the worst survival training I’ve had!”_ Then she hugged me hard enough to make me think of crying uncle, if I hadn’t been doing the same right back. Dammit, I’d missed Rin. _“But we’re both safe. That’s something. ”_

 _“I went straight into survival mode,”_ I admitted after we pulled apart a bit. She still had one of my hands in hers, and was performing a medical scan even as I spoke. _“There were some travelers who dragged me out of a river. I came in with them just this morning.”_

 _“That’s…a little more adventurous than what I’ve been doing,”_ Rin said. She peered up at me, curiosity alight in her eyes. _“Kei, you’re not using Isobu’s chakra, are you? It doesn’t quite feel like that, but your biology is very different right now. What happened?”_

 _“Well…”_ I dropped the pretense of still looking human. _“I got a makeover.”_

Rin paused with her mouth dropping open in shock. Now that she knew where my horns were, she hesitated for a second with a fingertip a little above the central one. Even as she touched it, her expression was briefly unreadable even as her chakra started to jump up and down in excitement.

 _“Been thinking of filing that one down,”_ I mumbled.

 _“You look a little like an oni,”_ Rin breathed, a smile slowly spreading across her face. There was no way I was getting away from her now, and I’d never been happier to be on the recieving end of Rin’s fantastic gush sessions. _“This is why your scan was so strange! Do those horns weigh you down? And the tail—that’s Isobu-san’s tail with fewer plates, isn’t it? Did someone modify pants for you? Are you feeling strange any other way?_

 _“Um… So about…”_ I made a sweeping motion to encompass everything that had changed about my body.

 _“So I’m glad you’re here. You’re still Kei, even if you’re different-looking now.”_ Rin nodded firmly. _“Aside from the obvious, nothing really changed! So, what else is different? You were vague about the week.”_

_“I… I’m pretty sure I joined a circus.”_

Rin said nothing for a second.

I raised an eyebrow. “That’s _what throws you off?”_

 _“I really can’t imagine you wearing makeup and performing for the public.”_ Rin was obviously biting down a laugh. _“You don’t even put on foundation during ceremonies back home!”_

I rolled my eyes. _“With one exception. And that's when you’re doing all the work for me.”_

_“Exactly!”_

Still, we were making our way out of the alleyways and back toward the rest of town. I didn’t particularly care about being seen as a tiefling once I wasn’t alone. Some things invited a fight. A pair of foreign tourists would probably invite scams first, provided no one decided to ask for papers I was sure Rini didn’t have. It was Rin’s first time in a world where she wasn’t aligned with the legal authority anywhere. Konoha backed us. Nobody here would.

 _“I’m going to need to get Isobu to translate for you when I can’t,”_ I said while we walked. _“The main language here is the same one those star people spoke. Sorry.”_

To answer me, Rin said, "Actually, I don't think I do?"

In English. Or Common. Or whatever the fuck they called it here.

"It's interesting," Rin went on while I made a clueless fish face expression at her, "but even though the sounds are all different, I can understand everything most people say! The cadence is familiar, and all I need to do is think a little harder about what I want to say, and I know what they mean." She paused. "It does confirm that when my biology changed, my brain was at least partially rewritten. I'm not comfortable with that at all, just so you know."

"Uh, it's still more convenient than the scenario I was thinking of." I breathed a sigh of relief. One less step between us and getting out of this mess. At least, as long as we didn't think too hard about where the bonus language came from.

Rin’s focus stayed mostly on me as we walked through town, though I could see her glancing around at the various buildings that didn’t look at all like home. Hadn’t seen any steeple roofs yet, though.

**"The circus does not know I _can_ talk."**

"We'll fix that," I told Isobu.

"We can even have fun with it!" Rin suggested brightly, and off we went.

Rin was adaptable. She got along well with Isobu in at least a theoretical sense, because to my knowledge they almost never directly interacted. Rin’s focus was on medicine, so she had a fantastic time quizzing me and other experts about how Tailed Beasts lived and could function as chakra given form. I’d never met a Tailed Beast I didn’t think Rin would gush over, because her fascination overrode what most people could consider healthy fear.

It was kind of the opposite of how Isobu interacted with most of the circus. Isobu had a lot more fun messing with them that he ever would with Rin.

 _“How’s this town been to you?”_ I asked in Japanese. On purpose, this time.

 _“Not super great.”_ Rin put a finger to her lips as she thought. _“I mean, I didn’t get anything like the negative reaction I’ve seen directed at other people, but I’ve been stealing a lot.”_ She paused for a second as we ducked past a pair of halflings hawking fish, sizing them up before continuing her thought. _“Things feel tense here. It’s not just about me. You can feel it too, right?”_

**The humans are _mobilizing._**

I repeated this remark for Rin’s benefit, and her brow furrowed.

While maps were in short supply in the era before printing presses—which was a fact I hated for several reasons—I knew enough about the local geography to figure rural Trostenwald and the villages I’d passed were in the southern end of a massive empire. I couldn’t recall offhand what the other towns were called without a way to check my spelling, but I’d been listening to town criers. Such as there were, in such tiny communities.

Somebody up to the north and east was trying to start shit.

“Anyway,” I added once I’d explained my limited information, back to English again. At this point, I was testing Rin's code-switching ability more than anything. “I wanted to mention the whole ‘human’ thing we keep using as shorthand.”

“I know neither of us are what we used to be, but I don’t want to call anyone _yōkai_ when it doesn’t fit.” Rin eyed the street again, and between the two of us we picked out at least half a dozen different races without a problem. A fifth of the town’s population seemed to be halflings, while humans made up a decent chunk of the other eighty percent. That said, there were also half-orcs besides Bo, a single humanoid white dragon without wings, and half-elves here and there. “It’s disrespectful even if no one else understands what it means. But do you know what everyone would be called?”

“I’d have to ask a few specific questions, but yes. Mostly.” I pointed at my face, at my flat yellow eyes and otherwise quite eye-catching palette. “I’m a tiefling, for example.” Or I looked the part, at least. “There’s another one in the circus, but he looks different. Ten to one Isobu’s influence is the reason I look specifically like this.”

**I heard that.**

“Interesting. That must mean there’s an established population, right? Or more than one. The horns are probably…genetic?” Rin looked thoughtful again. _“_ Hm… Outside of Curse Seal transformations, I’ve never seen humans with tails or horns. That said, transformations besides surface-level techniques are definitely possible. I’d only have to look at the Inuzuka clan know that.” She thought that over. “Any idea how this happened?”

“Not a damn clue,” I admitted. With my brow furrowed, I muttered, “I just—maybe that mission…” If only I could remember clearly what the hell had happened.

“Could be,” Rin agreed softly. "I'm glad we're both here to think about it, though."

_**"Ahem."** _

_"You too, Isobu-chan!"_

Nothing that small ought to have been that smug without a visible mouth.

But the rest of that conversation was put on hold by a quick hand signal as I spotted a familiar duo winding their way through the streets. They hadn’t seen us yet, but frankly? If anybody could miss a pair like Molly, the walking kaleidoscope, and Yasha, death metal incarnate, as they passed out fliers with smarmy charm and a solid dash of silent intimidation, I hadn’t met them yet.

Rin followed my gaze in the brief second I gave myself away. _“Circus?”_

 _“Circus,”_ I confirmed. As we changed our path from aimless wandering to an intercept course, I added, _“And they think my name’s_ ‘Caretta’ _right now. In case it comes up.”_

 _“I'm sure it won't,”_ Rin said. When I looked, she had her hands clasped demurely and amusement sparked faintly through her. _“I’m sure they’ll be looking to you first.”_

Bleh. _"Yeah, yeah, I know. Come on, let's introduce the idea of me having friends. And Isobu talking._ _”_

**Ugh.**

Rin fell entirely silent as we sized up the Nestled Nook Inn, which was two stories tall and probably only large enough to have half a dozen rooms. Not impressive, but my standards were fucked and the circus probably had an established circuit even in these small towns.

Molly and Yasha wouldn’t stay long, because the shock of a walking rainbow headbutting his way into an unrelated conversation only worked so many times with witnesses. Which was why Yasha was there. Molly might’ve been taller than either Rin or Kei were, but Yasha could pick up two grown men and bash them together until they stopped causing trouble. Being a bouncer must’ve been interesting. No one would cause trouble this early in the morning, right?

With that middle finger firmly directed toward whatever patron of luck I’d already pissed off by existing, I headed inside anyway.

Rin followed, though she stayed back to keep any eye on the entire room from a spot beside the door. She was enthusiastic and bright when everyone around could understand her comments, but she wasn’t nearly as imposing as anybody in this roughneck place. She was happier keeping in the background unless she had to watch over genin. Or the civilians that genin inevitably ran roughshod over while trying to help.

Funny how Yasha was doing the same thing, just on the opposite side of the doorway. I didn’t make it past either of them.

“—It’s just five copper. A steal. At five silver, it would be a steal, at five gold?” Molly rattled off, his spiel landing two table’s worth of fish. I picked out two humans, a blue tiefling—who looked a lot more like Molly than she did like me—a half-orc and a tiny figure who might’ve been a halfling. There was a tiny part of my brain that said “adventurers!” before it went quiet under Isobu’s laughter. “Worth every penny. But if you’ve got the five copper to spend, we would happily have you all.”

The blue tiefling was starry-eyed already. “Do you perform?”

Molly hardly missed a beat. He did look like a sword-juggler or something, after all. I sure didn’t. “Ah. I’m less of a performer and more of an intermediary for these parts. I do on occasion perform. I can read fortunes—”

“I was going to ask if you read fortunes! Can you do one now?” the blue tiefling asked, almost bouncing in her seat.

Molly grinned. _Hook, line, sinker._ “I knew you were going to ask that.”

“Oh my gosh, you’re so smart. Look at this guy, he knows everything!” And with that, she made a space for him at her group’s table without a second’s pause.

“Yasha,” I said in an undertone, because there was no way I was throwing Molly off a roll like that.

Yasha did fix both odd-colored eyes on me, just for a bit, and Rin stood tall as she realized I’d called someone out by name. Especially a name she’d easily be able to pronounce. Yasha’s gaze flicked to Rin, widened a bit, but there was a nervous edge there. She wouldn’t want to talk about it.

“Is everything going well?” I asked.

“I think so,” Yasha said, already turning her attention back to Molly’s audience with an air of trying really hard to avoid a conversation. I didn’t know what that was about. “Um, excuse me.”

 _“Yasha’s quiet,”_ I told Rin once she was embroiled in that little scene. _“You’ll like her.”_

 _“Have we seen what we need to?”_ Rin asked, though she couldn’t quite hide the tiny spark of curiosity. It wasn’t as though this town was swimming in doctors or biological standouts other than the obvious. Her interests were pretty well self-contained.

 _“Yeah, mainly. I could try to catch them on the way out, but it seems like they’re busy.”_ A thought occurred to me. _“You know, we kind of match?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“Brightly colored tiefling and someone with slightly less obvious nonhuman features. It’s kind of neat.”_

Rin smiled, her long braid waving behind her as she swayed from side to side. _“To Isobu?”_

_“Sure.”_

In a town where the only famous export seemed to be three kinds of beer, ale, or whatever it was this week, people drinking in the streets probably wouldn’t have put most people off. But since Rin disliked the smell and taste of alcohol, we cut past the crowds wherever possible. In no time at all, we were in the circus staging area well ahead of the impending night crowd.

I managed to make introductions to the group without stumbling too badly over myself, or maybe Ornna was just taking pity on me for once. The line was pretty thin with her, and despite the language barrier Rin busted out the mission diplomat skill-set like it’d never gathered dust in the first place. It mostly consisted of bowing with perfect poise and prompting me with observations to translate when I couldn’t think of anything worth saying, but overall I think we made a decent impression. Rin even got to keep her real name, because Rin didn’t give a shit about nicknames.

Which she would get, and in spades, once the rest of the group got back. Probably.

Rin went to retrieve Isobu—who was apparently stalking Kylre to a degree that was genuinely worrying poor Toya—Gustav pulled me aside for a second.

“How can I help?” I asked automatically.

“I hate to ask,” Gustav said as I wrung my hands, “but do you mind just sticking around for the show tonight?”

“I—huh? I mean…” I blinked. It wasn’t like I was that familiar with this town. And even if I was, comfort zones were a thing. I was, by however narrow a margin, much more inclined to follow the circus around than I was to rent a room in Trostenwald with the money I didn’t have. “I mean, I don’t…”

I’d just introduced Rin to them., so I kind of wanted the afternoon off. And the evening. An afternoon of catching up was not making up for the week I’d avoided thinking about my situation for fear of triggering my homesickness like a rising tide. And Rin needed help getting around, too. I wanted to sit her down with a local encyclopedia so we could pool our ignorance and start figuring out how to get out of here.

“Not as an attendee,” Gustav clarified quickly, and suddenly his hesitance made more sense. Slightly. “Could you help out around the grounds for a few hours? I know we haven’t paid you, but it seems like Molly and Yasha are going to be drawing quite a crowd. We could use just a little help.”

Because I was a pushover, I said, “Just let me know where you need me.”

“And your…” Gustav paused, grasping at a word before settling in, “Partner? Well, she can hang around. And you can both attend the show for free if you like. I know Ornna will complain, but you’ve earned a ticket for anyone you can name. Just one, though, or Ornna actually will have me by the ears this time.”

I couldn’t decide if Isobu was going to be offended more over not being invited or not counting as a person.

**Both.**

_You’ll be a closed-captioning device. It gives you an excuse to talk the entire time!_

**I thought you said people who talked in the theater went to hell.**

_Like that’s a deterrent for you._

**True.**

“I’ll be there, Gustav,” I said, and that was about the point when Rin and Isobu came back. I did my best to surreptitiously point them out to Gustav. “But I’ll be in the city instead of attending if I can have the evening off. I hope you understand.”

Gustav’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, I think I do.”

Isobu had wrapped both of his outside tails around Rin’s waist, with his hands gripping the shoulder pads of what only looked like a plain, long coat. His little spiked head poked out from behind Rin’s thick braid of faintly iridescent hair, and his eye glared balefully at me for having asked him to submit to such an indignity. As though he didn’t like riding on people’s shoulders and ordering them around.

Pff.

“Oh, hey Gustav?” I said, before the ringmaster could amble away.

“Hm?”

“Watch this.” I cleared my throat and, with a wicked little smile hidden deep down, I said, “Isobu, speak.”

Isobu glared at me harder. **“I am not some pet performing tricks! I demand compensation for this flagrant abuse of my talents.”** Silently, while Gustav looked between the demonic turtle and Rin—who was looking as innocent as a possible ventriloquist could—Isobu added, **Did I do that right?**

_Perfectly._

Even with her charming smile I had to admit Rin was a likely culprit, and Gustav zeroed in on her immediately. “Nice trick.”

Rin shrugged, but she maintained her persona. “I can’t tell him what to do.”

**“Damn right.”**

Isobu and Rin ended up spending most of the afternoon trailing me around. While they did get to have lunch with me and the circus crew—though Isobu didn’t eat—most of their day consisted of practicing their little sideshow act. I worked to help set up the evening’s show, as biddable as any roadie, though sometimes Ornna would pop by and tell me to tie knots differently or else something would tip over. Sometimes I’d overhear Isobu and Rin’s bursts of Japanese as the pair avoided being understood, with Isobu acting sort of as a guide where I couldn’t.

 ** _“That is Kylre, who smells as much like sulfur as fish. Kei told me he is a lizardfolk, and he is very close with Toya.”_** Isobu said while they walked past the “dressing room,” which Kylre was about a half a meter too large on each side to fit into. Luckily, his Devil Toad act didn’t really require anything.

Rin didn’t hold her as they passed, but it was clearly a close thing. _“You can smell that too?”_

 _ **“No, but Kei did.”**_ Isobu swung so his weight was mostly on Rin’s right shoulder, allowing him to peer over the left better. **_“Toya is their singer, and she sings almost as well as me.”_**

 _“I find that hard to believe,”_ Rin told him, clearly humoring my anti-conscience.

“Caretta, I need you over by the stage to help Bo!” Gustav called.

“Got it!” I responded, and left them to their work.

( _“Not to make a judgement, but doesn’t Kylre feel…strange somehow? He reminds me of you, but only now that I can see him properly.”_

_**“I noticed that, too. No one else seems to want to make a fuss. Or they are oblivious.”** _

_“I see.”_ )

Eventually, the sun started setting. On my chore route, I’d passed Molly’s fortune-telling station and waved to him, though he’d been busy with a pretty clueless customer and I’d been carrying ten kilos of rope and another coil of safety lines. He winked back, and I was already on my way to the tent to help sort out whatever needed sorting. I wouldn’t get to see the show, but there’d be other nights. I liked Gustav’s crew well enough, but I’d been to the Ringling Brothers show once. I had some idea what everyone was in for.

Only there wouldn’t be any motorcycles.

"See you later,” I said, once I had passed my last coil of rope off to Bo. The half-orc waved me off, wishing me a peaceful evening, and I joined Rin and Isobu before we all disappeared into the night.

See, my only real plan was to find a used bookstore and introduce Rin to local literature, solely because she had to be dying of boredom in a country where the primary culture was definitively _not ours._ Maybe we could have sparred a bit to make sure neither of us had lost our edge despite the changes my body had gone through. Hell, we could have watched moonrise just to enjoy having someone else around who understood our situation.

I heard, the next morning, that the carnival’s show that night turned into a horror movie.

So did mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " **Path of the Seeker:** You gain ignore difficult terrain, have advantage on all checks to escape a grapple, rope binding, or manacles, and advantage on saving throws against being paralyzed." - Unearthed Arcana, 5th Edition D &D.  
> [ Here's sort of what Rin and Kei look like in this chapter!](https://cyb-by-lang.tumblr.com/post/178014589728/in-case-anyone-needed-a-slight-recolor-with-black)


	4. Beast Speech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei: Trip over multiple plot hooks, because some inconsiderate jerk left them lying around everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited 11/12/18: All of the ninja characters are now capable of speaking/understanding Common.

In terms of folklore, lycanthropy took a variety of forms. Yes, that was a pun, but wordplay didn’t make my point less valid.

According to some myths, being turned into a werewolf was a matter of taking a contract with an evil spirit. Or getting cursed by a god for fucking up the laws of hospitality so badly that, while Tantalus was probably still the exemplar, punishment was necessary. Maybe the moon was, or wasn’t, involved. Getting nibbled on by _Canis lupus lupus_ came about later, because for whatever reason rabies transmission and werewolves didn’t get together until pulp fiction. Some werewolves got their curse from picking flowers from graveyards. Not all were-whatever creatures were wolves, were evil, or even changed shape at all. Hell, maybe the stories were just coverups for serial killers in the age of witch trials.

The trouble started once the moon rose.

I’d never especially paid attention to lunar cycles beyond what was necessary. Plenty of Konoha traditions ran on a Western calendar pulled out of a different universe, and so bright moons existed for Tsukimi festivals and ruining stealth missions the world over. After the fact, I recalled that the moon had been _there_ , but that was it.

**To the point, mind.**

At the time things went weird, Rin and I were out and about. The autumn evening was nippy, not truly cold. Between my circus-given coat and Rin’s sudden acquisition of a winter Konoha cloak, we were all right. The town was quieter at night, with the closest thing to a true nightlife taking up the fairgrounds and the circus’s attention. With any luck, we’d have a nice, quiet night and raid the closest thing this town had to a library. Even without electric lighting, there had to be something we could find.

“While we’re away from the circus, I have a question I don’t think was answered,” said Rin, as we headed to the lakeshore. The moon’s reflection was bright silver in the water, which almost made up for the smell of fish and muck.

Both of us sat down on an empty dock. I could see quite a ways, and Rin cocked her head to one side as she thought.

“Go ahead,” I said, turning my flat yellow eyes to her.

“I’ve had a while to come up with a hypothesis,” Rin began, pressing her fingertips together as she thought. “Now that I’ve met Yasha, and Molly, and also your new form, I think I have enough data. Do you think everyone has been modified somehow? Aside from the obvious.”

“We’re kind of a small sample size,” I muttered, but that was as solid as my objections went. “Your changes are cosmetic, right?”

“I don’t think they are. I mean, yes, my eyes and my hair are different, but there are so many other things.” She held a hand out in front of her and pointed at the moon, frowning. “It may just be a trick my brain is playing on me, but I’m sure my night vision wasn’t this good before we got here. I can see fifteen meters farther than I should be able to right now, even with full moonlight. Did something similar happen to you?”

I nodded. “It’s just…not dark where it should be.”

“Exactly! And then when I met Molly, I felt my skin crawling even though he hadn’t done anything. It was a totally irrational feeling.” Rin threw her hands up in frustration. Her multicolored eyes seemed to flash in the dark, catching the moonlight strangely in my modified vision. “There was some little itchy part of me that was just as upset with Yasha for something. It was completely at odds with my first impressions of almost everyone I’ve ever met, including Orochimaru.”

“I haven’t felt anything like that,” I said. If I tried, I could probably find something deep in the factoid-centric part of my brain to explain it, but I didn’t know for sure. But if Yasha and Molly gave off the same feeling, maybe they both weren’t human? “But I’ve kind of been distracted by…y’know.” I tried to wave my tail to catch Rin’s attention and accidentally smacked her in the leg instead.

“I do know!” Rin said good-naturedly, waving off my attempted apology. “And I also discovered I can heal without using chakra. I don’t understand it, but there’s plenty in this world I don’t understand.” She nodded firmly and clenched her fists as though her determination alone would wrestle truth from the air. “I will, though. Every magic is just insufficiently understood until testing begins!”

 **I missed her.** Isobu stretched out with all of his tails and both forelegs, draping himself over Rin’s lap. **"Your excessive scientific enthusiasm is a relief, you know."**

“Aw, you’re making me blush.” Rin pressed her hands to her cheeks theatrically, then settled into tweaking the tips of Isobu’s tails. “I’m glad you’ve been here for Kei. It’s awful to be alone.”

“You were.”

“And that’s how I know it’s awful.”

All three of us sighed at the same time. Even the turtle. We were a long way from home with no way to go back immediately. It sucked no matter how many times it happened.

Which was about when I felt a faint ping at the far end of my chakra sensing range. Instantly, my head jerked in the relevant direction and every muscle on me tensed up, which Rin couldn’t miss on her worst day.

“I think we just found a friend,” I heard myself say.

“Who is it?” Rin asked, following me eagerly as we got to our feet and started striding toward the edge of town. It felt like the right direction.

Except for the _lake._

The lightning I was following wasn’t a part of a storm, a spell, or anything else conveniently explainable by this world’s phenomena. Not at all. I’d know that walking live wire anywhere, and I started to pick up the pace toward the signature even as it took me toward the water.

 _“Oh, I know who this is!”_ Rin chirped in clear Japanese, and darted after me as we hurried across the waves. Isobu was still clamped tight in her arms.

What kind of shinobi would we be if we let a little water stop us from checking in?

The Ustaloch was a kidney bean-shaped body of water that seemed to be a focal point of local superstition. Rin had encountered giant water snakes here during her week’s stay, which seemed to be native. After tying them in a knot, there wasn’t much else to prove to the out-of-place fauna. Rin knew it, I knew it, and anything that survived a Rin-rampage was probably going to live long enough to learn it.

Thus, we didn’t run into any threats for a while.

The lakeshore butted up against forest, but not true woods as we’d come to understand in Konoha. There, the trees were wider around than any human arm-span at a dead minimum. Here, I got the impression that the logging industry was less of an organized affair and more just because people around here didn’t have any other way to heat their houses in the winter. Coming to a world without basic amenities felt like such a step back it wasn’t on the same continent.

And we weren’t.

My feet hit sand again a little before Rin’s did, and we clambered up onto the shore and into tree cover.

 _“Wait… Is that…?”_ Rin murmured behind me, just as the source of Kakashi’s chakra signature padded into view.

My first thought was, _Holy_ fuck _he’s a werewolf._

My second was, _Oh fucking_ hell _he’s big._

Hanging around summoned animals a lot had a way of messing with one’s sense of scale, but I was still sure the white wolf in front of me had to be well over three times as big as a normal one. At least. The heavy snow-white coat was interrupted only by a black muzzle split by two rows of white-and-red teeth and a dark spot over his left eye, like someone copy-pasted the coat of a sweet mutt over a dire wolf’s frame. All of his teeth were bared and his breath formed thick fog in the moonlit cold air.

That rumble definitely wasn’t thunder. Instead, it sounded like a growl.

**You know, I think I could keep him from biting anyone.**

_Well,_ I thought as I felt Rin grip my arm, _shit._

Rin and I started moving parallel to the massive wolf, along the lakeshore and through cattails. Neither of us took our eyes off him.

Sure, Kakashi’s long strides mirrored my movements exactly like a large predator would, but hell. I was at least as vicious as a wolf of any size. And he didn’t seem to want to head into the water. Instead, those mismatched eyes stayed on us, glittering in the dark. If I had to guess, neither Rin nor I came up to his shoulder. Rin in particular.

**He can bite me.**

There were, apparently, some concrete benefits to having an invulnerable companion. _Same principle as a crocodile,_ I theorized. My thoughts weren’t too frantic, though seeing a Sharingan in a wolf’s face was fairly unsettling. There wasn’t any recognition in that gaze that I could detect. _Wolves have more muscles to close their jaws than they do to open them. Or at least the muscles are stronger._

I felt Rin’s chakra pulse as she activated the first stage of her Strength of a Hundred seal, just in case. Well, there went the threat level of this little encounter. On his best day, Kakashi couldn’t hope to beat Rin at arm wrestling. On _Rin’s_ best day, Gamabunta would lose.

“Let me know if you want me to keep him busy,” Rin said softly. It probably said _something_ about this shitty situation that we were now speaking English or Common or whatever to try and sneak information past our teammate. This wasn't something we'd ever done before.

Out of the corner of my mouth, I said, “Maybe once I have a plan. Isobu’s talking.”

**Speaking of, I meant “he can bite me” more in the manner of a dog trying to pick up a ball too big for its mouth. You know the look.**

_…Isobu._

**If it works, I doubt either of** **_us_ ** **will care how silly it looks. And Rin would hardly mention it.**

_Isobu, please don’t break his teeth. We have no idea how any of this shit works._

**Having not seen a competent dentist… Fine.**

I picked Isobu up by his shell. In my hands, he curled into a spiked medicine ball of doom. Tossing him up and down a few times to get a sense of his weight, I nodded to Rin. Then I held him one-handed and eyed Kakashi’s growling form.

“Chew on this,” I suggested with false cheer, and pitched Isobu right at his face.

Once upon a time, a version of me with her nose constantly in a book read an awful lot about strange beasts and magical principles. I’d never lived those rules, of course, because there was one such system in my life and it was already bullshit enough for two. But in those books had been stories of how all sorts of animal minds worked.

Per the works of one Sir Terry Pratchett, werewolves kept one foot in the human world and a paw in the world of wolves. Made them a bit of both. And what did you call a wolf with human influence spanning back generations uncounted?

Maybe, just a bit, there was a bit of dog in there.

I probably should have predicted what happened next.

Kakashi whipped his huge head around and snatched Isobu neatly out of the air. He fumbled for a split second, teeth or tongue catching Isobu’s spikes the wrong way, but stubbornly refused to let the little monster drop. The head jerk motion was nearly the same as a natural wolf’s, but it’d been designed for prey the equivalent size of a mouse. Isobu was a little too round and tough.

Isobu hadn’t discussed his next move with me, but in theory he was capable of keeping Kakashi’s entire head restrained with just his tails. He started to uncoil, gripping fur with his little hands.

And then Kakashi shook his head _exactly_ like the signature back-breaking swing I’d only observed in terriers before. Also in Pakkun, but Pakkun hunted about as often as pigs flew. Isobu made a noise like a pissed-off cat and two of his tails looped around Kakashi’s lower jaw, but that didn’t seem to stop him. He just adjusted his grip on Isobu and half-closed his eyes, shaking my combat buddy so hard I heard Isobu swear inside my head from frustration.

“That’s not hurting him, is it?” Rin asked worriedly.

Isobu’s cursing was definitely the _angry_ kind.

“I don’t think— _Kakashi, is that fun?_ ” I asked before I could stop myself. Switching languages halfway through a sentence was bad form, but desperate times called for silly measures.

At the sound of my voice, his mismatched eyes locked on me again. I wasn’t sure he recognized my voice, because both of our bodies were kinda fucked up and our faces were…intact. Hell if I knew what we smelled like.

Rin at least looked like herself, even if she was glowing a bit from her jutsu.

Then he dropped his chest and forelegs to the bank, his straight tail up and wagging. His non-Sharingan eye angled up, toward us, and one of his ears almost flopped as he let out a noise not unlike a growl. But higher.

“Oh no.” I fought valiantly to keep my hand from hitting my face. I had horns now. It’d probably hurt. “No.”

Rin started to snicker.

**I take back what I said about my brilliant plan.**

_You made that bed, and now you get to lie in it,_ I told him, but I stepped toward the bank anyway.

Kakashi skittered back at least a meter.

I stepped forward twice.

Kakashi retreated two meters.

 _Aw, dammit._ I facepalmed anyway, and damn the consequences. _“Hey, Kakashi. Drop him, please.”_

Kakashi’s response was something like _“Awuf."_

 _"Kakashi._ _”_ I crouched just a bit, my tail lashing. _“Come on, drop the turtle.”_

Though her hands covered her mouth, Rin managed to say, _“I don’t think he’s listening.”_

He did not drop the turtle. In fact, he turned tail and _booked it_ when I darted for Isobu’s loose tail. The only saving grace was that the island wasn’t that big. He couldn’t run forever.

_“I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE A HUNDRED KILOS BIGGER, GET BACK HERE!”_

Rin was too doubled over with laughter to help.

Like I said. Probably should have seen that coming.

* * *

It took five hours for Kakashi to finally keel over for a nap. Still giant and wolfy and with Isobu trapped between his dinner plate paws, but at least he stopped running. The night’s festivities were like playing keep away if the ball kept shrieking out of injured pride, chasing away nesting birds and generally making a racket. Had I actually been able to sleep, it probably would have pissed me off something fierce. Otherwise, the screaming mostly marked Kakashi’s location and helped me keep a bead on them while the chase was on.

As a direct result of these shenanigans, I was dead on my feet by morning. Plenty of chakra left, but not perhaps the best control. Also, crabbier than Isobu. In my experience, no amount of foreign caffeine made up for just never getting to sleep, even if I knew where to get any.

Rin patted my head when I mentioned this problem. “I’m sure Kakashi had fun.”

At least I could lean against Kakashi’s white flank to rest once he settled. Rin was sitting on his other side, humming as she did a medical scan. All the data was coming up Dog. I supposed he _could_ be a dire wolf, albeit one with strange markings. I had a vague notion that real dire wolves were supposed to have spikes like Isobu, though. And be a lot more aggressive than Kakashi was, once the ice was broken.

While dawn’s first light touched the treetops and the sky turned orange and clouds became pink, Kakashi raised his huge head with his tongue lolling out of his mouth. He nosed at the world’s most dangerous tennis ball, and Isobu roused.

Isobu, still trapped between his paws, grumbled like an annoyed alligator and poked his head out of the mountain of fur. He tolerated the prodding with bad grace, then said, **_“I cannot help but notice that he is still huge and fluffy.”_ **

“That’s been bothering me, too. I mean, he’s a perfectly healthy giant animal at the moment, but he has Kakashi’s chakra signature.” When I leaned my head back to look askance at her, Rin could only shrug. _“_ Really. I don’t know what’s going on! This is magic, and that’s both intriguing and incredibly frustrating.” She patted Kakashi’s fur. _“We’ll get you back to normal somehow, all right?”_

Kakashi made a _“whuf”_ noise and twisted until his snout could nearly rest in my lap. Then he sighed, as though content.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t wait forever. I lifted his head off me about five minutes later, letting him make sad puppy eyes at me as I got to my feet. Next on my to-do list was tearing into my emergency supplies.

Yes, I still had them in a storage seal in my foot. It was harder to misplace than conventionally stored bags.

At some point during life as a member of any shinobi corps, people learned to pack efficiently whether they wanted to or not. Setting aside the perennial issue of folding versus rolling and how putting storage scrolls inside of each other tended to result in explosions, I retrieved three full sets of clothes that didn’t compensate for the tail I sported now. Fortunately, one of them turned out to be Izo’s Whitebeard-emblazoned T-shirt and the bright red jacket (designed for people who were over two meters tall). Uniform pants were a little harder to be sure of, but I had a pair cut for Obito since _he_ was still in the “throw it all in” school of keeping shit organized and needed a bit of help. Instead, I got to be pack mule.

By the time the sun rose, I expected Kakashi to turn back into a person. At least then I could yell at him properly for scaring me.

Instead, he shook his head with so much force that he sent a ripple through his entire body, his ears pricking to attention. Rin’s grip in his fur was thankfully strong enough to keep her from being tossed to the ground, but it was a close thing. He rolled to his feet all at once, with Rin still on his back, and looked around frantically until his mismatched eyes landed on me.

“ _...You all right?”_ I asked, even as I raised my hand.

He pushed his nose into my hand. It was wet and his breath was hot, coming in quick pants. His normal eye was dark with the whites showing around the edges, and his Sharingan spun slowly as fear set in.

I grabbed onto his fur with both hands. He lowered his head until I could press my forehead to his, planting a kiss in the middle of his fur. While the whine in his throat echoed up through me, too, I stroked the sides of his head and tried to soothe the fear. I could feel the panic trying to control him and the growl starting to build, but I hung on anyway. I wasn’t any better, now that I knew for _sure_ he was really in there and not just his chakra.

 _“Shh, shh,”_ I murmured. Above my head, I felt Rin’s hand briefly brush mine as she, too, tried her best to let Kakashi know we were both here for him. _“I’ve got you now, all right? Everything’s going to be okay.”_

Rin slid down his back until she could touch ground again. _“You look totally different, but you only just realized it now, didn’t you?”_

Kakashi made a mournful noise, his ears flat against his skull.

It took us a while to convince him, but eventually Kakashi laid miserably on the ground next to me. With my backpack wide open so Rin could use it, we all curled up together on that bleak little shore as Rin scanned his chakra again.

Kakashi leaned into my side and my arm clung to his thick fur ruff. Though I couldn’t claim to be a mind reader, I was pretty good at moods if people around me had chakra to read. Kakashi did believe us, to a point, but the rest of his signature rattled with undirected, unfamiliar fear.

Rin started slowly going through her medical checks. Her chakra was clamped down hard as her training took over, hands glowing faintly green in my mind’s eye. Even from my comparatively amateur understanding of animal transformations, Kakashi’s stamina was shot to hell and his confidence had taken a beating, so it was no wonder why Rin was so serious. At least no one had hurt him before found him. That was something.

It had to be.

“ _I’m here. We’ll get through this.”_

Kakashi whined with his muzzle in his paws. In that tone, I heard, _What happened?_

While Rin scanned Kakashi for abnormalities, I explained what I knew about werewolves—infections and moon cycles, mostly—and the knot of worry in my stomach kept tightening alongside Kakashi’s lightning chakra. It didn’t mean anything to him. It was all empty words.

I didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about in this world, and that scared all of us.

 _“Do you remember how you ended up this way?”_ I asked him, barely keeping my voice steady.

Kakashi shook his huge head just enough to get his point across, terrified of dislodging me.

Getting occasionally knocked unconscious or fainting were facts of life as shinobi. Kakashi, with the drain from the Sharingan, viewed the latter as an old and irritating friend. But losing control? Losing his _body_? Never. In his entire life, Kakashi lost a grand total of _maybe_ an hour to altered states of consciousness from genjutsu tricks or getting drunk. His discipline allowed no more.

Losing control wasn’t something he _did_. This was a whole new frontier of impossible to deal with.

He did his best to keep his eyes both locked on Rin as she took his pulse and listened to his breathing, trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. She wasn’t a vet. She’d practiced on humans. We were so screwed.

 _“As far as I can tell, you’re perfectly healthy,”_ Rin said finally, running her fingers over one of his dinner plate-sized paws. _“Just a giant wolf. This has to be another magic thing. It might also explain why it took you until now to remember you’re supposed to be human. You really didn’t remember anything?”_

Lowering his head onto his paws again, he sighed deeply. Perhaps in direct response, Isobu started carding his much smaller hands through Kakashi’s fur. Maybe he just wanted to see what it felt like. It wasn’t like real animals often let him close.

 **_“From one perspective,_** ** _”_ ** Isobu said thoughtfully, **_“_** ** _it is very like being an inexperienced jinchūriki._** ** _”_** Bobbing in the lake, Isobu wiggled all of his tails as Kakashi jerked his head toward him. **_“_** **_I think Kei remembers her early experiences well because she did not reach V2 before learning some self-control. But I recall instances where other jinchūriki have not been so lucky.”_ **

Utakata came to mind immediately, though he’d hit his berserker threshold early due to severe injury. All of his usual surgical precision careened out the window. Then Blue B and the time Gyūki’s seal split wide open. And then there was our very own _Naruto…_

 _“Though there is one big exception,”_ I said, when Kakashi made a little acknowledging noise. His feelings on the matter were still fairly negative, but he’d dealt with worse. _“_ _I don’t think you can exactly ‘befriend’ the wolf mind. At least, not like Isobu. ”_

 **_“I, for example, am a person. Your affliction seems to have superimposed the mind of a dog on top of yours. Temporarily._** ** _”_ ** Isobu eyed Kakashi carefully as he thought about what to say next. He tucked his little hands under his belly. “ ** _Without a proper tongue, can you use that eye of yours to speak to us?_** ”

“Huh.” I glanced down at the top of Kakashi’s head. “That might work?” I was mostly surprised that suggestion came from _Isobu_ , because he’d never been fond of Kakashi’s use of the Sharingan. Tolerated? Sure. Occasionally been grateful for in desperate circumstances? Fine. But he generally didn’t volunteer to have anything to do with the Sharingan if at all possible.

“If that would work, I think you’re in the right place to try it.” Rin’s eyes were a little glazed over as she went over the data her scan gave her, but she was clearly listening.

Kakashi made a curious noise in the back of his throat, ears twitching. He nosed at Isobu again, then met the little beastie’s eye with his Sharingan. As though now was the perfect time to test it. I kept my hands in his fur for the length of the staring contest, feeling my nerves tremble in anticipation of whatever other curveballs this place could throw our way. We didn’t need any more.

A second later, Isobu said as though in response to a question, _**“** **No. There was a threat display** **”** —_which had been terrifying in the moment because I hadn’t known what to do _—_ ** _“but once you had me in your teeth, it was all a game. You did not hurt anyone._** **”**

I sagged in relief. Thank fuck it worked.

 _“And then we had a nice nap. Or you did,”_ Rin added, as Kakashi deflated slightly from sheer relief. His tail thumped the ground once while she spoke, _“With Isobu tucked between your huge paws, after playing Keep Away with him.”_

Kakashi managed a mortified expression, even as near-unrecognizable as he was. His chakra burned with shame. He whined uncomfortably.

“ _You absolutely did.”_ Rin smiled for the first time since Kakashi had realized the situation. She scratched his ears. _“It was worse than when Pakkun tried teaching a stray dog how Fetch worked._ ”

Kakashi twisted his head over so he could rub at his Sharingan against his foreleg. Then he sighed up at both of us. Those eyes seemed to ask, _What now?_

I had no idea. All I could think of was going back to the circus and telling them I’d have to leave for the foreseeable future, because my fiancé had been magically transformed into an animal and everything was terrible. I couldn’t stick around. Rin and I needed to find a way to fix this.

"First, do you understand me when I speak this language?" Rin broke in, before we could get too far ahead of ourselves.

Kakashi nodded. On a wolf, the gesture was downright uncanny.

"Then that's one issue out of the way. If someone talks near you, you should be able to understand them."

Kakashi's ear flicked.

"It's a mess, but there's at least that silver lining," Rin concluded, and fell back into medical data land.

 **“Body modifications seem to be all the rage, now,”** Isobu griped while we all tried to absorb what kind of situation we’d been dropped into. He curled his tails around Rin’s wrist and mine, then sat squarely on Kakashi’s right front paw. **“We cannot just sit idle and hope for a solution to fall onto our heads. You are a dog, I am small, Kei has a limb she cannot use, and Rin has also been changed on some spiritual level. These things are unfortunate, but we are alive. We are capable. And we will find a way to get our bodies back.”**

Kakashi snorted, but he accepted the ear rubs when Rin offered.

For normal people, the phrase “hiked the lake back to town” probably needed to be modified by the word “around.” Not so for us. Even Kakashi-turned-Suicune. Or whatever he was.

At least _something_ went right today.

* * *

This feeling did not last once the morning mist burned off, because it never did. Town was different overnight.

Trekking back to the circus, only to find that everyone was under house arrest and the place was on lockdown thanks to the Crownsguard, was a bit of a shock. Learning about a minor zombie outbreak followed in that vein, because of course it did. Since I couldn’t waltz into camp without a disguise and daylight guards were almost always more alert than graveyard-shifters, the three of us moved on to poking the periphery.

“Sorry if this is...rude, but, uh.” Without the brightly colored costumes the circus folks wore, I at least couldn’t be instantly picked out as one of the crew. It was pragmatic, but not particularly nice for the ones who’d been arrested. “If I could just get past…?”

“Move along already, you nosy devil.” The Crownsguard spat to the side even as all of us watched him. “Everyone here is under suspicion of murder.”

Kakashi, with his fur held tight by Rin’s hands, didn’t quite manage to avoid growling as the guard got in my face.

“Keep your damn dog on a leash,” was the guard’s suggestion before he really got sick of us.

In some worlds, dogs wore collars. Or service vests. Or both. To get Kakashi’s way-too-damn-big wolf form into town, Rin and I puzzled over the problem until we remembered the vests and headbands Kakashi made for all of his dogs back when he had proper thumbs instead of dewclaws. So, after digging through our emergency supplies and scrubbing what seemed to be deer blood from around Kakashi’s dark muzzle, we’d collaborated.

The Whitebeard jacket was tied around his thick neck like a cheery little scarf, the sleeves arranged into a bow. Somehow combining that with a leash made of rope—attached to the jacket, not his neck—made him a “dog” in human brains.

A very, very big dog that smelled like the forest.

Isobu might’ve messed with the guards’ heads a bit to make it _work,_ but it worked no matter how much we cheated. Therefore, it was victory through technicality.

Kakashi was very patient through the entire process and even let a different guard shake his paw, which was more than I would have offered at the time. Then again, I probably would have been turned into a turtle if I wasn’t already a demon-blooded person. Apparently.

In the end, we ditched the crime scene and went looking around for help.

 ** _“It could have been more humiliating if we tried, yes,”_** Isobu said to Kakashi’s apparently Sharingan-transferred question. **_“I have already pretended to be a ventriloquist dummy. Most people do not realize I am a person, either.”_**

Kakashi sighed, and both Rin and I patted his hulking shoulders.

And, because Kakashi’s nose was more useful than my inherent radar in a world where only the four of us had chakra, we managed to track down the only member of the circus who wasn’t trapped either in the stockade or the campground. It took a few minutes, and we scared more than a few people while trotting through town in our search, but we did it. I could tell that the second Kakashi turned up his nose and refused to walk into a building, because he was too busy sneezing.

It turned out that only so many people smelled like a combination of patchouli, road dust, old blood, and stale alcohol, even in a town with a decent-sized population. Really, the patchouli was the defining factor when it came to Mollymauk Tealeaf. And not tea.

I’d noticed strange things in the performers’ boxes while helping out at the circus, but I couldn’t track a drop of perfume across a country. Kakashi could. Even if he still hated the smell.

There was a comparison to be made to Prince Humperdinck, but that was a different story.

Anyway, we found the world’s most colorful fortune teller in an inn off the side of the street.

Kakashi and Isobu stayed outside, with Isobu sitting on the end of his lead as though he was responsible in the slightest. Kakashi, for his part, settled on the ground with his muzzle on his paws and made a miserable noise. The smell of alcohol didn’t agree with him, but bacon probably did. There was a hindbrain-level instinct for meat rattling around in there.

I needed to find some way to feed him, and it couldn’t involve setting him loose on wildlife. Unless he _wanted_ to do that.

Molly wasn’t terribly colorful when I walked in, or at least hadn’t been for a bit. Instead, Molly sat at a table and carefully wiped off enough makeup to disguise a clown. His solid red gaze darted to me and then Rin when he noticed us entering the Nestled Nook Inn, and he waved with his free hand. “Good to see you, Carey. Rin, too. Rough night?”

“I…” Okay, where did I start? “I guess. I think yours might’ve been worse.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Molly eyed me as the last of the peach-colored makeup was wiped away. “What’s an unjust arrest and unfriendly small town, in the grand scheme of things? Sure, the Crownsguard are probably going to kill us all if they can’t find whoever turned the old man into a monster, but…” Molly paused. “You know, I don’t think there’s really a bright side to that. How about you?”

I glanced at Rin, who shrugged. Ought I tell Molly about Kakashi’s rather fuzzy problem? Or Rin’s super strength?

“Did your friend just keep you up all night?” Molly flashed a sharp-toothed grin, but his heart wasn’t in it. While the grin didn’t waver, my stone-faced response didn’t seem to be encouraging. “Trouble in paradise?” he tried again.

**Was that supposed to be an innuendo?**

_Yeah, nope. Not telling him shit._ I ignored the comment and sat down at the table, followed almost immediately by Rin and then Isobu as he rolled into the bar area, the latter of whom couldn’t see over the edge of the table.

He did send me an awful image of the underside of said table, just to be an ass. Or to repay my comment, perhaps.

I shook the picture from my mind’s eye and asked Molly, “What exactly happened last night?”

Molly did lay his cards out on the table, once I proved unwilling to play along with any teasing. He explained, likely not for the first time, that the show had gone on exactly as it always had for the majority of the time last night. Right up until an old man turned into an undead monster and killed someone else, who then _also_ turned into an undead monster. Running with the theory that the circus wasn’t in the business of murdering customers, Molly and his new co-conspirators—coincidentally the same motley crew he’d charmed into attending just yesterday morning—had spent most of today investigating the old man’s usual haunts.

“And we found basically nothing,” said a new voice.

I leaned back a bit and spotted a woman in blue robes stomping down the stairs. Now that I had better light and more inclination to give a shit, the blue fabric of her outfit reminded me quite a _lot_ of some of the more coastal towns in the Land of Fire and perhaps even what I’d seen in the Fire Temple I’d visited once. Though the specific pattern was unfamiliar, there were some similarities to the cloth used in the Land of Water as well. Her features were more like mine than, say, any human I’d met so far.

Actually, she kind of looked like Sokka.

**I do not see how that helps us.**

That woman was followed almost immediately by a blue tiefling with dark, backward-curling, silver-capped horns more like Molly’s than mine. She was probably a hand’s span shorter than I was, wearing a dark blue slit skirt peppered with peach and pink tones. Her sleeves almost reached the floor, but in a Western style instead of a furisode, and she wore both a half-length green cape and a sickle in a sheath on her belt.

And then there was the half-orc behind her, dressed head to toe in dark leather armor. The two-tone green on him looked a little odd when I thought back to the only other half-orc I knew, but I was literally dull, dark pink all over and two of the other people at the table were blue and lavender. At this point, the time for pointing fingers was long past. A scar bisected his eyebrow and formed an X further up his face, and his hair was dark, half-shaved, and sported a sharp gray streak. If I had to guess, he might’ve been older than I was, and he was definitely around Kakashi’s height.

Well, before he got turned into a giant wolf.

I cleared my throat as our table got a bit more crowded, thanks to the woman in blue, the blue tiefling, and the half-orc from the last inn incursion. “Okay. Well, then, it’s about time for introductions.”

“Seems like we’re all in the same boat,” agreed the half-orc as he dragged a chair over to the table. “I figure Molly might’ve introduced us, but again from the top, just so we’re all clear. The name’s Fjord, with a J.”

“I am Jester!” Jester beamed as she followed suit, sliding into place next to Fjord. “I didn’t get any of your names before, but it is very nice to meet you!”

“Beau, short for Beauregard,” was the monk’s terse response. Though I certainly couldn’t make judgement calls on what parents named their kids, Beau still added, “My parents wanted a boy.”

“I see,” I said, while Isobu clambered up onto the edge of the table and folded his forelegs like some kind of mob boss. He didn’t quite have the shoulder rotation range, however. “By the way, Molly, I wanted to apologize for something else.”

“Well, we can get that out of the way first.”

“I lied when I told all of you my name, before.” I picked Gustav’s fake identification paperwork out of a pocket and set it flat on the table. Beauregard just picked it up to stare at it, scrutinizing me. “If you all like, you can call me Keisuke. Or Kei. These two do.”

Isobu nodded firmly. **“** **The fake name was useful for deflecting attention, but there does not seem to be much point. There is no one here to recognize us. Thus, you may call me Isobu.** **”** His eye narrowed to a glowing red slit that made him look like a monster from the depths, if the depths were floor height. **“** **And if any of you call me** ** _anything_** **but my name, I will douse you in ice water until you learn better** **.”**

Rin said after a second, “Oh, I like being bilingual. I miss slightly fewer jokes this way.” She patted Isobu's spiky head. "You were pretty scary just now." 

**"I try."**

“Okay, okay, O Kei.” And so it began. Molly’s tail lashed as he sat back, though the grin quickly slipped off his face. What had happened to the circus must’ve really rattled him. I wasn’t nearly as close to anyone there as Molly was, but spontaneous zombies weren’t reassuring either. “Speaking of, Rin, don't worry about asking for clarification. I probably won't give you any, but someone will.”

"Probably!" Jester added.

Rin’s reply amounted to, “Thanks for your patience!”

“Are you doing some kind of ventriloquist thing?” Beau asked Rin.

After Isobu finally explained what a ventriloquist was—Rin said, “Isobu speaks two languages better than I do. It gives him a chance to show off.” Rin added, after a moment’s thought, “He’s really quite clever about it.”

This didn’t seem to work out for Beau, but she was running into a brick wall named "Rin's ability to avoid answering questions."

“You say that now." I sighed, then I looked squarely to Beauregard and had a sudden flash of Yugito, who was one of the few people I knew who played devil’s advocate because she had a chip on her shoulder the size of Matatabi. “Nonetheless. If you need any help with this, count us in.”

Rin nudged me hard enough to almost knock me off my chair.

“Uh,” I corrected myself, “mostly. If I skip sleeping any more, I’ll be useless for an investigation.” What with the whole giant wolf problem, I could probably help with the investigation as long as Rin kept an eye on Kakashi. Kakashi could clearly still recognize us while huge and fluffy and taken over by dog-instincts, but we didn’t know what the exact catalyst for his transformation was and couldn’t predict much about it.

Molly didn’t even blink as the opportunity for innuendo passed. Maybe he really was distracted.

“That is good for now. Now we are just waiting for the stinky wizard and the little one to join us finally.” Jester glanced up at the door. Per Molly, they’d branched off to search the town on their own because they were the only ones not slapped with “person of interest” status.

“Rin?” I tried.

Rin shook her head even before I finished asking the question. “I’m sorry, I don’t know who those people might be.”

And I hadn’t been in town back then. _Oh well._ To the others, I said, “So, what do we do for now?”

Unfortunately, we were in a tavern. There was an obvious option. Molly checked his coin purse and clearly thought of ordering everything. He leaned back a bit in his seat to get the barkeep’s attention.

_Oh dear._

“You know, O Kei, I haven’t seen you drink in all the time I’ve known you. Teetotaler?” Molly asked.

“I found out a few years ago I’m literally incapable of getting drunk,” I said, though the entirely unfair contest with the Whitebeard Pirates had been kind of funny. It’d turned into more of a bladder endurance match than anything after about the fifteenth drink. “And before that, it wasn’t to my taste.”

Molly and Beau were both looking at me like I’d told them I had a terminal disease. I could feel the goblin’s eyes on the side of my head, too.

“Oh, you poor dear,” Molly began.

Rin laughed as I debated flipping Molly off for being a condescending prick. “It really doesn’t mean much to us! The water's actually safe where we grew up.”

**“Therefore, there is no need to drink whatever that terrible stuff is.”**

Rin and Isobu exchanged a very silly low-five as I sighed.

“Nice to see you have my back,” I griped.

"None of you know how to have a good time," Molly said, and then he was already in his cups.

“Hey,” said Beau, snapping her fingers to get my attention. I felt Isobu’s hackles rise and had to silently shush him, or else he’d have crunched through the table with all the restraint of, well, him. “What’s your story?”

“I had some bad luck, and the circus helped me out with the papers and so on,” I said, meeting her gaze without changing my expression at all. I’d been eyeballed by tougher customers before, and most of them had been two seconds leaping over obstacles to murder me. This was nothing. “And helped me reunite with Rin, even if they didn’t know I’d find her in Trostenwald. So, here we are.”

Beau scowled. “Then what was that about not moving at night? You’re not wanted by the Crownsguard. You didn’t get arrested. What’s the story there?”

I thought about making a sexually suggestive quip solely to get Beau to stop bothering me, then dismissed the option. Instead, I looked to Rin for confirmation and got another bored shrug in response. Rin was too busy trying to decide if she was going to be in the throes of her curiosity to bother with me. Rin was just having fun with Science, and Jester seemed patient enough to tolerate the prodding.

“Call it luck,” I suggested. “I had the night off. And for better or for worse, the Crownsguard hasn’t assumed all tieflings know each other.”

Molly flipped me off with his free hand, not even bothering to put his drink down. Entirely in line with circus communication as I’d seen it.

“But I didn’t know you until today.” Jester tilted her head to one side, like a dog hearing a new sound.

Speaking of, was that shouting coming from outside? And growling.

_Um._

“Be right back!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " **Beast Speech:** You can cast Speak with Animals at will, without expending a spell slot." - Player's Handbook, 5th Edition D &D.  
> [There are (partial) stat blocks for Isobu and Kakashi.](https://cyb-by-lang.tumblr.com/post/179944955798/team-no-thumbs-stat-blocks)


	5. Aspect of the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It looks like this whole "shapeshifting" business has some pretty major drawbacks.

Walking outside and almost tripping over Isobu ended up leading me into a brief confrontation between Kakashi, Isobu, and the two missing members of the investigation team. While Caleb and Nott were less-than-happy about the presence of what was clearly a dire wolf right outside the inn, Kakashi still wasn’t biting anybody.

For the next couple of minutes, I had to explain to the cops camping outside the inn that no, the “dog” was most definitely _not_ a dire wolf—which the wizard didn’t buy for a hot second—and he was absolutely safe to be around. Most of the time. Unless I ordered him not to be. After that, saying Isobu was actually just a weird familiar went down like particularly nasty cough syrup, but I’d not _technically_ broken the law by having him around and tried to smooth things over by letting the Crownsguard hold him. His pissed-off bowling ball impression only meant so much when I was constantly telling him not to attack people every time the urge rose in the back of my mind, and it was an especially close call when the guard flipped him over for a second.

But they gave Isobu back, so I set him on Kakashi’s ruff and let him gripe about being manhandled.

“Kei and the big cute puppy,” Jester said from inside the inn when it was all over, just sticking her nose out to make her point, “you can come in! Yorda just says please buy lots of drinks and don’t break anything.”

Welp. I’d scrape something up, somehow. Probably from other people’s pockets.

 **That was humiliating. Next time, let me eat them,** Isobu told me silently, as the lot of us finally trooped into the inn.

_They’d give you indigestion, stomach or not._

**Bah.**

“Come here, come here and sit with us again!” Jester insisted, and I gave into the inevitable.

Rin was waiting for us, perched on a chair and sipping carefully at one of Molly’s discarded drinks and making a face at the taste. It was apparently the social thing to do, which meant peer pressure was going to try and order us to do things not in our best interests. Like get drunk.

“This is Kakashi,” I said as I sat down in my previously-abandoned seat. Next to me, Kakashi sat down and rested his head in my lap somehow, while Isobu crawled onto Rin’s to see over the edge of the table. I rubbed behind his ears and said, “He’s not human right now, but he is normally.”

Eyebrows shot up all along the table.

“Just go with it,” Molly suggested, because of circus solidarity. He’d probably heard weirder shit _somewhere._

“I have so many questions,” Jester said, her blue eyes gleaming in excitement. “Starting with if I can put ribbons in his fur!”

Kakashi sneezed, one ear coming up and pointing squarely at Jester. His eyes were on me, though.

“Please, please, please,” Jester said, rapid-fire, as her tail lashed behind her. “After I handled things for you in here?”

I raised one gray-green eyebrow. “You’ll have to ask him.”

And Kakashi’s answer was a shake of his huge head, and Jester groaned theatrically. Jester pouted after that, at least until the investigation team finally all had chances to report in.

I was left, later, with the impression that Jester hadn’t bothered to tell the innkeeper exactly how big Kakashi was. Nobody fainted, but the innkeep and the waitress got _nowhere_ near the table for our group while Kakashi finally gave up on my lap and moved fully onto the somewhat sticky floor, like a very large and very _alive_ rug. The wizard and his companion, who turned out to be a badly disguised goblin girl, stayed as far away from Kakashi as physically possible while still occupying the same table. That included the cat.

Though that was more because Kakashi sneezed when Frumpkin got too close.

Eventually, the rest of the group managed to hammer out an agreement to go out later that night. They got a Crownsguard visit or whatever, but I wasn’t really paying attention to that once I got my own corner of the main room.

-

My team burned time another way.

“She sells seashells by the seashore,” I read aloud, enunciating the syllables carefully.

With his Sharingan spinning slowly as I spoke, Kakashi turned his huge head toward Rin as soon as I finished and the pair of them stared hard at each other. Rin’s expression went blank for a second or two, and then sharpened again.

The Sharingan was to shinobi learning as a multitool was to urban survival situations. A multitool could hide a knife, be used to pry things open, and some versions even had compasses imbedded in the handle somewhere. These were all useful. The Sharingan, chakra costs aside, had more uses than any sensory organ had any right to. Setting aside Amaterasu, Susanoo, and Tsukuyomi—because using them was an excellent way to go prematurely blind—the Sharingan provided combat clairvoyance, could copy any technique that used hand seals, and acted as a kind of hypodermic needle for precision genjutsu if someone could be tricked into looking into an Uchiha’s eyes. Not for nothing did the Sharingan stand beside the Byakugan and Rinnegan as the three greatest eye-based bloodline techniques.

Here we were, using it to give Kakashi and Rin as much experience with wordplay as possible. I tried to use the correct tool for any job I tackled. Some tasks required a corkscrew, others a mallet. It just so happened that, today, the only tool available was a sledgehammer.

Really, after Obito blatantly used his half of this eyeball arrangement to copy dancing prowess and cool flips off people, this kind of skill acquisition was practically inevitable. It was faster than just trying to learn the old-fashioned way and more readily available than magic, assuming we could even use the latter. It was a bit of a pain in the ass because Kakashi couldn’t make any of the sounds himself, but it was _working._

Rin recited back, with pronunciation not far from my own, “She sells seashells by the seashore.” She paused, then added when I nodded, “It’s strange. I hear what sounds our language has, but now I can hear new sounds and…both of them make sense. I’m so confused and yet, all I want is to figure out what’s behind it!” To Isobu, she said, “What does that tongue-twister mean that I don’t know about? _Please, Isobu-chan, I know you know!”_

Isobu told her, adding tidbits about dinosaur fossils and foreign countries that actually invested in earth science. If nothing else, this crash course in foreign languages gave Kakashi, Rin, and Isobu more chances to bond. Isobu’s lockout from the material world made it harder to make friends he wasn’t already related to.

I wiped the slate clean of chalk with my sleeve and started writing anew.

Rin mumbled, with her head resting in her hands, “Tonight’s going to be interesting. Gosh, my head’s already full of fuzz. There’s so much to learn and not enough time to do it in.”

 **“You are picking this up quickly,”** Isobu assured Rin. “ **I have had more than a decade to learn, so do not compare yourself to me. That I have a direct line to Kei’s brain for questions when you do not is also an unfair advantage.** ”

Kakashi huffed, but he didn’t protest otherwise. Instead, he met Isobu’s eye with his Sharingan and clearly asked a question.

Eye curving to indicate a smile, Isobu told him more about the weird shit we’d seen and done so far. Now, if only he could _copy_ from Isobu. The fact that my turtle friend didn’t have a human mouth got in the way time and time again.

Sure, Kakashi didn’t either, but he also couldn’t make the right sounds. Maybe we could teach him to whine in a musical code for when staring contests weren’t viable.

The language lessons went along for a while, with my friends steadily picking up letters and the tempo of English as it rattled around in their brains. Kakashi couldn’t even produce the correct sounds, and asking for clarification wouldn’t work without an appropriately-shaped throat and mouth. While he already hated feeling a skill was inadequate, this was a new frontier of terrible. Sure, he’d practice with Rin and Isobu until they were all on the same footing (or as near it as possible), but if there was any chance they’d be mocked? At this point, it seemed like having an audience like the carnival death investigation team would mean forty-two teeth got put to use.

Ah, well. It wasn’t strictly necessary to communicate with other people around here, at least not when we were going this fast.

 _“You should go.”_ Even after giving up on the slate and letting Isobu take over the lessons, hearing Rin’s voice startled me back to awareness. When I looked up, she had Isobu on her lap and Kakashi’s Sharingan eye was closed as he set his head near her feet, so it must have meant they were done with that for the night.

Still, what? “ _Go where?_ ”

 _“If you barricade us someplace with seals,”_ she explained, as though she hadn’t probably been assessing the premises since before I even thought of holing up here, “ _I can help Kakashi keep out of trouble and you can be freed up to help these people with their detective work. Right now, we hardly know them, so…_ ”

My fingers tightened on the chalk until it snapped. While we all pretended I hadn’t just had a lapse of control, I mumbled, “ _I don’t want to leave you alone in this town. Any of you._ ” The investigation could go on without me. They had a wizard.

 **_“You do not have to. I can stay and ward people off as well as you can.”_ ** Isobu curled his arms tightly to his belly and angled his head as far as he could. He even went so far as to tap the end of Kakashi’s dark nose to make his point. **_“You chewed on my shell for almost the entire length of your transformation. If you think you are capable of hurting me, you are wrong. And Rin is stronger than you are, even at your best.”_ **

Kakashi cocked his head to one side. One ear flicked and he made an inquisitive noise.

Rin reached down to stroke his head. _“If you want to be kept out of trouble, we can do that.”_ There was careful emphasis on the word “want” that there hadn’t been before.

Kakashi rumbled, the ruby-red gleam of his Sharingan visible for a split second and aimed at Isobu.

**_“He does not. Even if he forgets himself, he cannot stand the idea of leaving you to fend for yourself against whatever is causing the panic in the town.”_ **

Ended that line of thought, then.

 _“I’ll tell the other crew we’ll be putting on a parallel investigation, then.”_ If Kakashi forgot himself, the rookies could end up dead if they twitched funny. It was best to keep a wide berth in case something went wrong, so we could stuff Isobu in Kakashi’s mouth before things got hairy. Well, hairier.

In the end, we managed to agree to spending the early evening dozing in front of the Nestled Nook’s hearth, since no one else was going out to scout the town until later anyway. And only once I’d catnapped my way out of exhaustion and firmly tried not to think of what evening would bring, did we all discuss contingencies.

No, making sure the investigation team could get _back_ safely.

 **_“I can handle a rope.”_ ** Isobu had almost been offended that the group realized, generally, pet-sized creatures couldn’t. The tabby cat couldn’t. That they were the same size and supposedly of similar strength didn’t register with Isobu. **_“Just do whatever you have to. I can also distract the guards if necessary. Just let me know when.”_ **

_“You’ll be the first to know, besides me.”_

As an aside, I kept calling the group composed of Molly, Fjord, Jester, Beau, Caleb, and Nott “the investigation team” for two reasons: One, “the Scooby Gang” would probably have implied a dog’s presence instead of Frumpkin’s, and two, they were essentially investigating supernatural murders. Not land grabs. Also, they were probably all screwed if nobody could find the necromancer before the Lawmaster decided enough was enough. Most of the classic Scooby Doo mysteries didn’t feature quite the same stakes.

Often.

…Look, I was pretty sure that while the lumber industry existed, there were no giant mechanized chainsaws to threaten anyone as a direct result of some teenagers screwing with a pyramid scheme.

We were just going to check out opposite ends of town and make sure there were no wild necromancers roaming around. With any luck, everyone would meet back up in the inn in a few hours with evidence or ideas, and then we’d all be on the trail of the real murderer. Easy as pie.

That was, of course, not what happened.

The sun set outside, eventually. The investigation team planned to abandon the inn later, which was probably a good time when most of the Crownsguard were human and couldn’t see in the dark. I wasn’t really paying attention to them.

Rin and I kept a close eye on Kakashi, and Isobu stayed squarely on his back for the hours we spent waiting. None of us missed the moment when his left eye’s pupil dilated. Then his ears flicked forward, and he jerked his head around with a doglike whine of confusion. His chakra jolted and started thrumming in agitation as he looked around at the interior of the inn, his eyes wide in animalistic panic.

 _Shit._ I caught his ruff before he could lurch back and stumble over a table, because his immense weight would have broken it and his dull claws were already leaving marks in the wooden floor. Sticking my feet to the floor with chakra, I wrestled him down under my weight and my slightly enhanced strength, keeping his head under my chest as I curled around him.

 _“I’ve got you. It’s all right.”_ I let Kakashi shove his muzzle under the edge of my jacket.

The cloth helped cover other eye as well as his Sharingan. It could curb stress reactions a bit, from what I remembered of Inuzuka clinic shop talk.

He pushed against my grip with a whine in his throat, but I couldn’t afford to let him loose. I ran my hands through his fur with chakra channeled through my fingers. Water and Lightning were only so compatible, but static leapt up from his fur and numbed my hands.

I felt Rin’s hand on my shoulder. “I’ll tell the others if you want to stay here.”

 _“Hang on,”_ I replied, even with the distraction clear in my voice. Kakashi’s head was too big to fit in my lap, but I did my best to pin the left side of his head to my ribs so he could hear my heartbeat. My tail curled around both of us, with the fanned-out spikes resting against his ruff. _“Gimme a second and I’ll take care of it.”_

_“Okay.”_

Around us, some of the remaining patrons had scattered as though expecting Kakashi to upend tables and destroy the common room in his sudden burst of wild energy.

“Hey, get your animal under control or get him out of the room!” yelled someone.

“If you want to try, be my guest!” Rin countered, making the entire ground floor tremble with a pointed tap of her foot. Once the man backed down, she went on, “But since you’re not helping, be quiet! She’s got this.”

When lashing out at random, Kakashi might’ve been able to kill everyone besides Rin and me. But while in a panic and unable to blast either of us with lightning, he didn’t have a chance in hell of getting past either of us long enough to try.

I gripped his fur with clawed fingers, tightening my hold as a shudder ran through Kakashi’s body. _“Shhh, I’m right here. I’ve got you, I’ve got you. It’ll be over soon.”_

Kakashi’s growl reverberated around the room. I held on tighter.

After about a minute, Kakashi’s breathing evened out again and he nosed his way out of the folds of my jacket. His snout was about as wide around as a bear’s, but he didn’t use his huge teeth or claws to escape my grip. Instead, his mismatched eyes met mine as he gently pulled his head free. His ears pivoted.

 _“Feeling any better?”_ I asked him, not hesitating to meet his stare.

He tilted his head to one side in confusion, ears angling forward at the sound of my voice. His Sharingan remained still as his tail thumped the tavern floor once, then twice. There was no comprehension in that gaze.

 _“Oh, no,”_ Rin murmured, sinking to Kakashi’s eye level next to me. _“Kakashi, nod your head if you’re all right.”_

He made a doglike noise of confusion, then nosed partly out of my grip and licked Rin’s cheek. He got her covered in drool from jaw to hairline in one happy swipe.

 _“Thank you,”_ Rin mumbled, after wiping her face with her sleeve. While Kakashi’s tail thumped happily at the sound of praise, she said, _“I don’t think this is going to work, Kei.”_

 _“What was your first clue?”_ Any spite in my words was drowned in exhaustion, and Rin knew it. When he hand rested on my shoulder, I reached up to squeeze it. _“Sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”_

 _“It’s fine.”_ Rin, previously balanced on her toes, stood up and strode toward the bar to speak about damages. Or apologizing for scaring people. I didn’t have a lot of spare brainpower to spend thinking about it.

**Take a deep breath. We are still here.**

_I don’t know what I’d do without you._ I reached down and scratched the little joint between his neck and shell, just as he rolled up to me.

 **I am sure you do not.** His pointy shin dug into my leg as he leaned in, making a happy alligator noise. It was a little like an angry alligator noise, but lower. **You could cry, if it suited you. Today has been very stressful.**

 _Today is bleeding into tomorrow, and I’ll gladly save the breakdown for later._ Kei sighed into Kakashi’s fur. _We have too much left to do._

 _“I think we’re going to have to change our plans,”_ Rin said as she came back, innkeeper trailing behind. The woman wrung her hands like it was a national pastime. While Rin knelt next to the now-docile Kakashi, patting him, she said, “We can’t leave him alone.”

“Yeah.” I nudged Kakashi hard with the heel of my hand. I wriggled out from under him and finally faced the poor innkeeper fully. Yorda didn’t deserve this kind of drama. “Sorry about all of this, Miss Yorda. He didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

Kakashi shook himself from snout to tail, apparently thinking this was the best way to support my point. His tail narrowly avoided sending a patron’s entire table flying.

“I…I just—” Yorda briefly hid her face in her hands. Then she burst out, “Get out. Get out and don’t come back.”

And there went our ability to sleep with a roof over our damn heads. Neither Rin nor I argued with Yorda, because there wasn’t any point. She sprinted upstairs to let the investigation team know we were being kicked out, while I picked up Isobu and led Kakashi outside by his false lead. Wouldn’t be our first time sleeping in the rough. This week, even.

Kakashi trotted ahead of me, doing a quick circle in place at the end of his rope. I caught up and started messing with his improvised scarf. His sharper guard hairs were already starting to embed themselves in the fabric, while Isobu wasn’t helping as he climbed up Kakashi’s leg.

**He feels tired.**

_We’re all wrecks._ I rubbed my eyes with my wrist. The night air was cool enough to stop whatever burning sensation had been building. _Do you have any idea what that was?_

 **I can ask.** With that, Isobu wriggled across the sea of fur before finally managing to make eye contact when Kakashi twisted his head around. Then, **The wolf mind is solidly in place. No comprehensible answer.**

I frowned, while Kakashi pushed his nose into my hand. To Isobu, I asked, _Do you know how long this might go on?_

Isobu shook his shelled head.

_Shit._

**Indeed.**

Kakashi nudged me with his nose.

I pressed my cheek to his forehead for a couple of seconds. Yeah. Had to keep my chin up and keep going. He knew that better than I did. Even if Kakashi didn’t have his usual personality right now, I needed the reminder. He provided one, as always.

There was a creak from behind us, and Rin stepped up. I didn’t have to look to feel her disappointment. Her chakra broadcasted that loud and clear. “Well, I’m done with that.” She scooted closer, then said in an awkward whisper, _“The others are sneaking out right now. Do you want to go with them?”_

How likely was it, really, that everyone would end up getting in trouble?

**Do you really want anyone to answer that question?**

_They’re adults._ I pressed my fingertips to the bridge of my nose. _They are adults, they’ve survived this long, and I’m dealing with enough already. Can I afford to add more to the pile?_

 **Can you?** Isobu’s mental voice was a challenge, more than anything. He always pushed when he felt like I could take it. Or when he thought I needed a kick in the ass and wouldn’t supply one on my lonesome.

 _“No.”_ The word slipped out of me like a curse. _“We’re going to let them handle the first step in the investigation. We’ll check in tomorrow.”_

Rin didn’t scold me, which was better than I deserved.

Isobu’s spiky tails all curled in Kakashi’s fur. **_“Kei, are you sure?”_ **

_“I’m not in charge of a mission here.”_ Kakashi was, back when this had been an artefact retrieval mission and not whatever the fuck it was now. _“If you disagree with me, you can go.”_

 _“We’ll stick together,”_ Rin replied, _“and with any luck so will they. Just one night.”_ Her eyes glowed faintly in the dark, and I could see her determined expression better than I might’ve before my transformation. 

_“Just one night.”_ And that would have to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " **Aspect of the Moon:** You no longer need to sleep and can’t be forced to sleep by any means. To gain the benefits of a long rest, you can spend all 8 hours doing light activity, such as reading your Book of Shadows and keeping watch." - Player's Handbook, 5th Edition D &D.
> 
> Kakashi failed an Intelligence saving throw there, though no one else knows the term. Everyone rolls crap once in a while! And below, there are some links.   
>  [Here's a view of how Kei's tattoos look when she's being a very weird tiefling.](https://cyb-by-lang.tumblr.com/post/182122056138/description-a-black-and-white-sketch-of-a)  
> [And a sketch of Kei viewed head-on!](https://cyb-by-lang.tumblr.com/post/181258305973/description-a-short-haired-tiefling-woman-with)  
> [And finally, statblocks for Kei and Rin.](https://cyb-by-lang.tumblr.com/post/179952530758/team-planetouched-stat-blocks)


	6. Witch Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The entire party works on their plot hooks.

_Rin stood in a white void, looking around at "scenery" that refused to change. It wasn’t her first time in this ridiculous blank space, and she guessed it would hardly be the last. Her dreams were, apparently, the best time for somebody with a great big voice and plenty of self-importance to—_

_The void fell away as soon as she started silently complaining. Color punched through white, parting like cloud cover in the face of cold sunlight. Everything blurred, blues and greens whirling like a spring flood, until it all_ stopped.

_Rin held up her hands. Her arms were crossed by lines of light and dark, split by a purplish-gray forest of dead trees and what resembled ash more than snow. Large shapes shifted out of reach of the cold sunlight, deep enough in the woods that it was hard to tell they’d existed at all. Deep impressions in the snow proved the lie instead. Half-covered footprints of beasts ranged all around her, spiraling outward from the spot Rin stood._

_The earliest shift to autumn was always morning frost, in Rin’s experience, but these trees turned faster than Konoha ones. Didn’t they? Maybe this was some place to the north. Rin didn’t know much about this world, but hopefully some facts stayed true._

_This was a forest. Fall would hit the entire continent eventually. The ashy woods might’ve been…strange, but Rin already knew the world was full of things that were far more off-putting. Giant forests of mushrooms featured high on the list, and people told stories of even wilder places._

_But why in the world was_ she _dreaming of such an unfamiliar place? Especially in one of_ these _dreams?_

_“I won’t learn anything if I just keep standing here,” Rin murmured, just to hear her own voice. The words came out muddled, as though trying to hear voices through two floors of apartments. Any harsh sounds softened to near-unrecognizability._

_Dreams were strange. Had been strange, ever since landing here. Ever since being separated and getting strange powers and not being able to understand_ anything _that happened because this entire culture was made of foreigners._

 _Rin had enough trouble figuring out people in a place where she knew all the rules. Ignorance_ killed.

_“What are you waiting for?” she asked herself. “Put one foot in front of the other. You know better than this.”_

_The first step was always to ask a question. Rin stepped forward, making no sound in the destroyed forest, and thought very clearly,_ Is this a dream?

_Rin had never attended a therapy session herself, but she knew many shinobi did in recent years. She had read many books published on the topic and on anything else related to neuroscience or brains, back when choosing a primary medic-nin specialization was still her main worry. There weren’t that many books total—especially compared to what strange treasures Kei had gotten out of her various misadventures—but rin devoured them nonetheless. She needed information to make a hypothesis._

_“You can test if you’re really dreaming,” Rin muttered allowed. “Go on. Push something. Check your footprints. What changes because you’re here?”_

_She looked down. Sandaled footprints followed her to the next clearing._

_Oh dear._

_She didn’t try to punch a tree next. The very idea seemed like overkill, even if it would make her feel better. Instead, she touched a tree trunk more carefully and peeled a thin strip of dead bark free. It crumbled in her hands._

_Hm. That data point was a bit wobbly._

_Rin dusted off the remains of the bark. If she had a book, she could test whether she could still read here. Thus far, the evidence pointed more toward “not a dream.” She could try flying next and see what happened._

_“Who’s there?” asked a voice nothing like hers, and Rin wheeled on the spot._

_Or tried to. Everything moved so_ slowly _in a dream, but she could spot the stranger without trouble. He wasn’t trying to hide._

_The person standing next to the moss-laden tree was taller than her, with ears longer than knives and a face half-marred with pressure scars. On the same side, a green-toned arm and shoulder and half of a torso gave way to wood with pink lichen and flowers in the roughly correct shape, branchlike hand reaching in her direction. Opposite, an empty eye socket was occupied instead by a pink flower. The remaining eye gleamed the crimson of an active Sharingan._

_She’d know that face anywhere. Rin just hand to hang onto him long enough for this to stop feeling like a cruel taunt._

_“Rin?!” Eye wide and gaping like a fish, Obito’s wooden arm fell from shock alone, After a split second, he reached for her again. “Rin, are you—”_

Share your results. Let him know you’re real. _Rin’s eyes stung with tears as she reached for him. “Obito, where—”_

Rin snapped awake to the sound of Isobu’s little voice.

**_“It is time to be awake! I have kept watch for all the hours of nothing happening.”_ **

Isobu’s little voice was worse than any alarm clock RIn had ever owned. And not accidentally destroyed.

Waking up after another hard night in the middle of the woods was not Rin’s idea of fun. Without a tent, she doubted it was _anyone’s_ first choice. Digging cold-weather cloaks and longer sleeved shirts out of Kei’s pack mitigated the worst of it, and having a giant wolf for a pillow helped. Obito still being missing did not. It was one of those mornings where Rin needed mental arithmetic in order to, eventually, mark it down as somewhere south of a positive experience.

What she wouldn’t give for a hot shower to melt the entire night away. It wasn’t her first night dreaming of people too far away to touch, but she’d found Kei and Kakashi and Isobu since. There was no reason she could see for why Obito had to be the only one they hadn’t found.

She couldn’t dwell on that. It’d ruin the morning even more.

Rin sat up with a yawn and an entire rabbit’s worth of white fur tangled in her hair. She started to fish the strands out of her clothes even as the movement disturbed one of her other bedmates.

 **_“Are you human in your brain today?”_ ** Isobu’s reedy little voice demanded, and his three tails emerged from under one of Kakashi’s forelegs. As his hands pulled on Kakashi’s face, he went on, **_“The sun is here, and you have been asleep for long enough that this_ ** **annoys** **_me.”_ **

_“Human brains wake up slower than yours, Isobu,”_ Kei’s voice muttered.

**_“I do not care. I can also make the sound of a rooster whenever I want to, you know.”_ **

_“Please don’t.”_

Kei and Isobu had the weirdest arguments. Was this what it was like to have a Tailed Beast for a brain-roommate?

To Rin’s left, Kei sat up groggily and rubbed at her eyes. The dark circles there were worse than usual, but not the worst Rin had ever seen them. Part of the difference was the weird pink color Kei’s skin was now, but the last two days had not been great experiences.

Rin hadn’t talked about the time she had to spend in abandoned houses and in three different disguises—not yet—but hoped it wouldn’t come up anytime soon. Kei didn’t need to worry about her. It was over now, even if this brand new phase of being forest vagrants was ongoing. With three friends, Rin had to admit even this was an improvement.

Kakashi, for his part, rolled over and dislodged all three of his friends as he finally lurched to his feet. Isobu went flying into a tree trunk, bouncing off and landing in a pile of leaves. Kei hit the ground shoulders-first, swearing under her breath. Rin, as the only one awake enough to avoid trouble, brushed dirt and moss from her clothes when she got up. She was still pulling a rock out of her sandal when the rest of her friends sorted out who was where. And how many limbs they had.

Rin was the only one besides Isobu who didn’t have _that_ problem.

 **_“Well? Look me in the eye and tell me to stop bothering you.”_ ** Isobu climbed up onto an exposed root, growling more than Rin had ever heard him.

Kakashi’s ears pointed forward, eyes focused on the little monster, and he barked.

 ** _“Rude.”_** Still, there was no further argument.

Rin picked him up and stroked his shell. _“Morning, Isobu-chan. Nothing tried to hurt us, did it?”_

 **_“It would be far less boring if anything had.”_ ** Isobu lifted his little arms and shuffled up Rin’s arm until he clung to her back, like a pack she didn’t have. His belly was softer than most of the cheap backpacks she used to have, too. **_“Now we need to go back into town and chase down circus people.”_ **

_“We know where all of the carnies are.”_ Kei kept her left hand bunched up in Kakashi’s fur, as though she’d forgotten how to let go. _“We only got kicked out of the tavern, not arrested. I don’t… I’m not sure it’s the same for them. But we should find out.”_

Rin wanted to protest. Kei didn’t have the time or energy to spend helping the people at the circus. Even if Rin hadn’t been the next best thing she had to a primary physician, Kei’s exhaustion was plain as the horns on her head. Wanting to help people didn’t mean she was in the best shape to do it, or even the best choice for the mission. Kakashi’s situation was eating through her resources, and Rin worried for both of them.

(Less so for Isobu. Their Tailed Beast friend was brutally self-sufficient.)

But because saying so would’ve taken away the one part of this situation that Kei could maybe control, Rin bit the inside of her cheek to stay quiet.

Kakashi made a chuffing noise. He edged out of Kei’s grip and tilted his head so his Sharingan met Rin’s stare. When their eyes met, his human voice said clearly in her head, _You know how Kei is. She feels like she owes these people for their kindness._ He allowed Rin to scratch his ears, then went on, _Despite what I look like, I’m not in danger. Not really. You said so._

 _“I did.”_ Rin was reconsidering that stance. Kakashi’s second wolf episode was scary enough. _“But still, Kakashi…”_

 _I don’t need minding right now. But Kei needs to settle her nerves and take a nap. It’s just that it has to happen in that order._ Kakashi blinked and the spell ended.

 _“Fair enough.”_ Rin paused. _“That was…strange. Obito’s never done that with me before.”_

 _“And Kakashi hasn’t with me. But I guess we’re all learning things this week.”_ Kei took the chance to stretch until her joints popped, then sighed. _“Into town with us, I guess.”_

Isobu piped up from Rin’s back, saying, **_“Do you think the dog trick will work again?”_ **

Kakashi sighed.

Rin reached back and patted one of Isobu’s little hands. _“We can hope.”_

Maybe she’d have a chance to talk about her strange dreams later.

* * *

Rin and I were not allowed in the inn. Kakashi was _definitely_ not allowed within thirty paces of the place due to his status as a walking violation of local leash laws. Isobu had a hard time getting people to listen to him, and only the smallest possible portion of that difficulty was because his head was less than half a meter off the ground. At most.

But what else was Transformation Jutsu for?

My usual standard for the technique involved choosing two people I knew and mixing up their physical traits until I had a unique disguise. Given the severe shortage of Asian or Asian-equivalent people around here, I decided to stretch that a little further and come up with a cross between Nico Robin and Major Samantha Carter. Dark hair, Caucasian features with a much sharper nose, but also averaging their heights so mine didn’t become unreasonable.

Of course, I spent at least a couple of hours searching for entirely different solutions to different problems. Breakfast was acquired for all, barring the literal force of nature known as Isobu. He made threats about eating people all the time, but didn’t really have any need for calories. Rin and I did, so we had protein bars and other rations from my emergency supplies. Always.

 _“There ought to be some way to make this less awful.”_ Tiefling tongues apparently couldn’t enjoy what amounted to salted, dried meat any more than human ones did. At least not with _this much_ salt. Bleugh.

_“It helps if you cook it, Kei. In a stew. Like you’re supposed to.”_

_“Takes too long.”_

**_“You are a disaster person.”_ **

Kakashi, on the other hand, spent the remainder of his morning and a bit of the early afternoon chasing deer. Feeding him through the socially-accepted method of _actually buying food_ would’ve cost more than Rin’s little stockpile of stolen gold. According to him, his wolf palate was a lot less picky than his human one—at least when it came to raw meat. Anything else was as likely to get rejected for different reasons. As far as I knew, he’d never outright refused vegetables before. Even cabbage.

**_“Do you think I could chase him with a leek?”_ **

_“Isobu, no.”_ Maybe we could get him a pumpkin later.

There was a shriek, and a _crack,_ and Kakashi dragged a deer carcass back to us five minutes later. Though he had it by the throat, its head could’ve fit fully in his mouth. After that, brunch was quick, but not neat. That was too much to ask. At least eating most of a deer made up for us not being able to feed him normally.

 _What was the actual calorie requirement of a huge predator, anyway?_ It was the only question that came to mind as I helped clean his muzzle afterward. It was a problem for the next time he ate almost forty kilos of herbivore in one sitting, but still a problem.

Maybe I’d get over the sound of bone crunching in huge jaws eventually, too.

It was two or three in the afternoon by the time all that chicanery was over. Friggin’ late nights ruined me.

A quick check around the Nestled Nook revealed a few more Crownsguard around, to complement the mess around town. One blocked off an alleyway that, once upon a time, might’ve been a decent side-entrance in case we’d avoided getting booted from the premises. There were paired patrols here and there, staking out bits of town in case someone else was going to haul off and murder a neighbor.

None of them were looking for a human _specifically._ Their gazes slid right over me like I didn’t exist, but they all seemed on edge otherwise. Having not seen a newspaper in this world and not heard a town crier, the situation still read like _something_ had changed.

What in the world did the investigation team get up to last night?

I didn’t instantly spot the set of six goofballs in the bar when I went in, but a quick conversation with Yorda revealed they were apparently up in their rooms. And not able to legally leave. Hooray for house arrest. It was one of those things that I didn’t have to worry about yet. Putting minor inconveniences aside, I headed up the stairs and started knocking on doors like I had any fucking clue which rooms were now the group’s hidey-holes.

I was probably going to get myself arrested at _some_ point. Perhaps even in a way that would stick.

“Question,” I said, when Fjord opened the door. I didn’t give him a chance to go “What the fuck?” at an apparently random stranger addressing him that abruptly, instead continuing with, “What the hell happened last night? The entire town’s on alert, and Rin and I were only gone for ten hours.”

Fjord blinked. He opened his mouth, hesitated as the sound of my voice sank in, and said, “Come in and we’ll talk about it. Molly’s over here.”

“Thanks.” Once the door was shut behind me, I made a beeline for the window sill and dragged the curtains shut.

“Who—?” Molly began.

“It’s Kei.” I dropped the disguise in a puff of white chakra smoke before I’d turned fully around. My tail did _not_ smack into the bedpost and make me wince. Absolutely not. “Sorry about not being around last night. Had to sleep in the woods after getting kicked out. Are all of you okay?”

Molly, who had previously been stretched out on the bed with his tarot cards out on the sheets, rolled more or less upright. “That’s…a bit of a story. How long can you stay?”

_Tell the others I’m going to be a while._

**Of course.**

To Molly and Fjord, I said, “As long as I have to. Hit me.”

Quite a lot happened overnight, as it turned out. Of course, the group snuck out of the inn exactly as they’d said they would. They tried looking for cloaked figures and gotten nowhere, so everyone gave up on that so they could head to the circus grounds. The supreme detective duo of Nott and Jester (their words) even ended up cracking the case wide open from there, while the rest of the crew tried to puzzle out circus interpersonal drama.

“I’m sorry, Kylre is a _fiend?”_ I heard myself demand, torn between confusion and mentally kicking myself. Hadn’t Isobu already told me that something was off about Kylre? Rin, too. Thanks to not taking them seriously, four people were dead. “I thought he was a lizardman. Or, well, something along those lines? You seemed to like him!”

“It was a shock to me, too.” Molly sighed. His horn ornaments jingled as he leaned back to stare at the ceiling. “And I consider him a friend, but so far it seems like he’s the only one who could’ve made those…things. We don’t even know if he did it on purpose.”

“Setting those things on us felt pretty purposeful to me,” said Fjord. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Especially after one of them cleaned your clock.”

“In my defense, I thought sticking a sword through its ribs would stop it. It stops most things!” Molly replied, though the dark bruise along his jaw told me he’d learned that lesson. He made a twisting motion with his hand. “Anyway, continue.”

“Right, well, after we killed both of those things and ditched the bodies, we tried to figure out where Kylre and Toya went.” Fjord nodded toward the shaded window. “Near as we can tell, the only place to hide are the islands in the middle of the Ustaloch there. The frog prints went right into the water.”

“Ah.” Well, shit. At least I knew where a fight might break out.

Fjord focused on me again. “Got somethin’ to share?”

“I’ve been there before,” I said, resting my hand on my hip. “I guess the best thing to do would be to join your group on the island.”

“‘Your’ group? O Kei, you’re a part of the circus, too,” Molly pressed. The smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “After all, with Mona and Yuli off to who the hell knows where, we might have an opening. Two openings.” He sighed again. “If there even is a carnival after this. Gods damn it.”

The open invite was sweet, but— “Let’s deal with the problem in front of us first.” I pointed toward the wall. “Is everyone else in the next few rooms?”

“Should be, ‘cept for Nott and Caleb.” Fjord’s catlike eyes seemed to glow a bit in the mild dimness of the room. Weird. “Thing is, since you’re not in dire need of exoneration either, maybe you should hang out with us until we all regroup and figure out a plan?”

It wasn’t a bad idea. If only my priority list didn’t have my friends _very firmly_ at the top. I opened my mouth to answer.

There was a knock nearby.

All of us froze for a heartbeat. Fjord was the closest to the door, Molly had the persuasive powers of a tree stump, and I was _not_ supposed to be here. Instinct took over for all of us.

Molly grabbed his cards, as though he’d just been sorting out his deck to one end or another. Fjord stood against the door like a paranoid apartment-dweller, so he clearly planned to open the door like there was a chain lock involved.

I turned into a cat. Poof, no more tiefling-Kei. Just an ordinary, gray tabby of a street cat. I even made sure the form was missing hair from fake mange. I bounded off the bed and slunk under it, making me the next best thing to invisible in this confined space.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Molly and Fjord hissed at once.

No time for that.

“Meow,” I said. Quite distinctly _said._ As a cat. It was not terribly convincing.

Transformation Jutsu was such a _fun_ skill.

In the next room over, Jester and Beauregard’s voices bounced back and forth with those of two Crownsguard. Or two unknown men. But really, the voices sounded too official to be anything other than cops.

When that conversation was over, the Crownsguard really did knock on the door.

Once Fjord deigned to open it, one of them said, “Sorry to disturb, the investigation will require you in about three hours.” It was not the most confident announcement, perhaps as a direct result of dealing with Jester for more than fifteen seconds.

Fjord shut the door in their faces.

Molly managed to snicker once the door slammed shut, and I waited until booted feet stomped down the stairs before I wove through chair legs and padded to the middle of the floor. Once we’d settled again, I _poofed_ out of my disguise.

Brushing imaginary dirt from my pants, I said, “Law enforcement is so much more annoying than I remember.”

I wasn’t a part of the military police or the civilian version. I didn’t _want_ to be an MP, or deal with them, or any of that. All my experiences with “lawful” authorities who knew they held power tended to be on the receiving end, no matter how flimsy the justification.

Being a not-pirate for several months in a row really fucked with my perceptions of how a foreign society was supposed to work.

“I have several questions about _that_ little trick,” Molly began with eyebrows raised, “but the most important one is this: Are you going to help us avoid being executed? I think tonight might be the final confrontation, unless Kylre’s skipped town.”

I nodded. “I’ll head out and tell Rin and the others what the plan…could be? I don’t know if we actually have a plan.”

Might as well not bother. The only times a plan I made ever worked out was when it was excessively simple, like “attack that guy” and “run the fuck away.” Hell, even recon attempts were like as not to end in epic disaster.

“Go ahead. We won’t have anything until the wizard gets some reading done.” Molly might’ve rolled his eyes, but it was hard to tell given that they were as featureless as mine. I could just barely tell where he was looking based on his reactions.

I was about to slip out the door, donning my new human disguise in another puff of smoke, when a gloved green hand cautiously blocked my way. One hand on the doorframe Fjord said, “Question, before you go.”

Eh, I could spare a few minutes. It wasn’t like I couldn’t just send a thought directly to Isobu. “Shoot.”

Fjord blinked, then said, “The other day, you didn’t mention anything about fightin’, just helping with the investigation and clearin’ our names. I figure the wolf-dog would be happy for a chance to bite somethin’, but you sure you’re up for this?”

Over on his bed, Molly burst out laughing. It sounded like a murder of crows going to war. Kind of charming despite itself.

It wasn’t remotely the first time someone figured that. Just because I didn’t whip out a greatsword in front of them and go to town didn’t mean I couldn’t. But then, if someone like Fjord had already met and fought zombies, and also seen Yasha’s much more impressive biceps, his reaction was probably reasonable. It wasn’t like I ran around advertising my strength while I was still testing the waters.

“Molly, I don’t think _that’s_ quite called for—”

“It’s kind of you to be worried.” I elbowed my way past him while Molly refused to be helpful, but not hard enough to cause pain. “But I’m volunteering, and that means I accept the risk. To me, anyway.”

To his credit, Fjord accepted my refusal to change my bullheaded mind. “All right. See you soon, then.” Fjord stuck out his hand. “Shake on it?”

“Barring something _else_ going wrong, yes.” But I shook his hand anyway. Why not? Depending on how dangerous Kylre was, it might be the only camaraderie our groups would manage before everything _really_ went to hell.

**A pun? Really?**

_Be sure to tell Kakashi that one._

**…Have it your way. Pah.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " **Witch Sight:** You can see the true form of any shapechanger or creature concealed by illusion or transmutation magic while the creature is within 30 feet of you and within line of sight." - Player's Handbook, 5th Edition D &D
> 
> So, a fun fact about aasimar: They can get visions from a celestial sponsor. Usually a deva, but not always. (If you watch CR, this is what part of Yasha's character is built around.)
> 
>  
> 
> [And the obligatory image, which is a team shot this time!](https://cyb-by-lang.tumblr.com/post/180128474063/langwrites-description-a-five-person-team)


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